Sunday, January 11, 2009

R(h)umor me

"Rumor has it that..."
Really? What happened? Who did what? What did who?


...But actually, how is it possible? 

People talking: the vicious circle. News spreading starts from the school yard to our work place, from the fitness studio to the club, from the smallest village to the capital city, from the community to ...worldwide entertainment. This larger scale is proven by those PEOPLE magazines and E! Channel. Whatever we do or say, how hard we try to avoid it from happening, it is simply a fight we can't win. It remains a circle from which we are all the principle characters: we are the directors, we are the producers, we are the editors, we are the actors and we are the audience. We complain about it because the "what's the news"- factor has turned into such a bad connotation. For instance, the quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt implies that "People with small minds talk about people. People with average minds talk about events. People with great minds talk about ideas." Yet aren't we, the people, who actually sustain the deed? [of course, some more than others] Discussing ideas can include mentioning people, so do events! It just depends on how you talk about people. So doesn't the snake bite its tail? 

The subject seems quite subtle because it is too improper to talk generalities and too easy to name exceptions. Only a few aspects can be covered. Maybe it is in our human nature to talk about people and our happenings, since it's not only nokia that connects people...but people connecting people! And this got me thinking that rumors, how true or untrue or partially true they are, are not the major problem. It's the projection of one's self to the rest of the world, it's the fear of judgement, it's the bitter thought of (their) being fake, it's feeding the curiosity, it's the search for the truth...
We need to go with the flow...but how to go with the flow in a more POSITIVE way?
1. Let THEM talk. Just imagine and count:
  • How often do you hear from people "this and that" about.....................?
  • How often do you hear people talking trash about...............?
  • So imagine them talking about YOU to........................ AND SO BE IT. Let them talk.
In my opinion, assuming that you have a personal judgement on a story or on people, based on what the "NEWS" are, is politically correct. We complain because when it's about us, it can not only hurt at times but we are mad because it's none of their business in the first place anyway. But look at it from outside: on a higher level. First of all, yes indeed, do not care about it... REALLY.

Yet I am also assured, like everyone else, that gossiping is not about caring or not. Right? It's not even considering what people think and conclude. But the reality is, at the end of the day, people can and will always analyze. People are just talking about people, and people love to judge (whether one admits to it or not.) You might not care indeed, but "people judging" shouldn't stop there. It's still none of their business to talk about your whereabouts, but what is even more revolting: assuming is not knowing. Prejudice is not judgement. And judgements are never final. (I also take for a factor that there is a very big difference between prejudice/judgements from strangers and judgements from our "own" people.) It doesn't matter on how the facts are put on a platter or the relevance of the news, what should happen is to lighten up: people should open their window a little wider, even have it wide open. Keep in thought that "this & that" comes jumping from one mouth to another; and never forget that if there is some asking to do...No one knows it better than the person(s) concerned/involved. It's a pity that many are too curious but those who stay fixated on "I heard that..." and judge on that so-called gossip are way more out of line. Don't judge a book by its cover, but after reading it.

2. Let ME talk

How foolish this may sound and I don't suppose it makes any sense either, but a way of attenuating the negative connotation of the "rumor" circle is to talk about YOU, yourself, your life, your ideas, your events and obviously, about your stories as well. Sounding arrogant and selfish? Absolutely. But don't you have more credit to it since you are the one who is directly concerned i.e. the star of your own movie? Yes, you do. Gossiping will be you wanting people to have the exact same opinion as your own, which is neither right nor responsible. Let people forge their judgement about your persona and the people who are actors in your stories, they have a right to their opinion: whether it is in a good or negative way. You do not even need to mention the person per se as a person. What matters most is not who is involved in your life, but what you get to learn from your relationship with her/her. That is sharing, not gossiping about "..." Do you sense the difference? At least the "story about you" comes directly from... well, you. And isn't it always worse to talk about the others?

3. The Reputation

The biggest consequence of "people talking" is your reputation, whether you want to uphold it or destroy it. It's funny how we can have a certain image about someone, whether it is blurry or crystal clear. But it is just simply for the best to know the person: your judgement call may persist and you have the right to that; but your thoughts can also change completely. I believe in a try, even in a second chance, and even more in continuous hope. People try (hard, harder, hardest) why don't we change our opinions as well? I have admiration for those who realize that their reputation may be tough and there is a reason behind it, and yet they make the best to get out of it. Those who still judge the past are intolerant. Food for thought: we fools realize that we are indeed fools... and no need of outside judgements to remind us of that. If the fools have changed and the outside world cannot see that, their loss. But, on the other hand, I despise those who actually don't like you and yet still lie to your face. Being polite is one thing and being fake is another. Bitching is something horrible but pretending is even worse. It's your right not to like someone... so no faking and keep that up.

4. The Truth

All this said... something will stay a reality: News, rumors, gossip and chitchat will de facto never be THE TRUTH because none of us is capable of telling THE truth. It's the best, most beautiful thing yet impossible to reach. What I feel/live is not what you feel/live, what they think stays what they think : my truth is not your truth, their truth is not THE truth. The facts can contain some or all of what we call the truth...but who tells about the facts? PEOPLE. We are the ones who spice it all up! It's a question of interpretation. It's just how we assimilate information and what we do with and about it that defines our being. How do YOU handle information? The circle ends here: when you know how to answer that.