Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Repetition



It is eternal because the same remains.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Christmas Lights




The Christmas lights are up
I am in the mood,
Alright.
Have they always
Twinkled like that
Or do they 
Because it parallels
My own delight.

They are the same

While my eagerness
To stop,
Observe and smile
Has me burning 
On the inside.
Under pressure I am
A snowball 
Of anger
Outbursts
Often
Out of control

I am the same

But the difference
This year
I forgive myself
Like others
In the long stretch
In my lasting search
Of what matters

And I have you
As seed 
To my everyday glee.

It is Christmas time
The lights are up
This time, I am looking up.






Tuesday, December 2, 2014

A love like this




Tell me 
What I do not hear
Interpret
The kisses
And that smell
Behind the ear
Hug my sins
Fondle my skin
That enslave my fears
Tell me it exists
My love
A love like this. 





Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sushi


It is all I ever wanted
With you
To sit and wait
In this crowded space
Waving in vain
To the waiter in distress
And I crack up
To calm you down
No need to fret
His smile tender
Once we place our order.

Between bites
And overhearing
The couple beside
I bask
In delight
Eating
My obsession
While you carry on
With the conversation.

I pass by
Quickly catching this sight
I stand outside
At at loss it is not I
Savoring sushi at your side.

I walk past all I ever wanted
With you
You sit inside
Reveling in my sushi
With another one than me.




Sunday, November 23, 2014

The right word




How well will I perform
Does it depend on the right word
Gushing
Aching to
Exhibit perfection
So that you will see me
In that vision

How will you respond
To the reflex of being flushed
That I constantly misspell
Was always told
I wrote well
Yet to you
I cannot concoct a clever thought

This is how I tell
I drafted it then
Rewrite
Again and again
Until at night
The imaginary recital
Would flood my head

I love you that way
That the words I send
Are never close to decent
For it is my heart you confuse
It is so loud
To silence
I am reduced.





Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Here and There


Were you there
When I fell
A broken bone
And I would not
Crawl out of my shell

Were you there
When I climbed to the top
Eyes teared up
With my pride
Overflowing the cup

Were you there
When I had nothing to share
Not to mark
Victorious days
Nor forget days that drained

Weren't you here
Only when it suited you
Done being busy
To squeeze in
A thought or two

I do not depend on
Just want to count on 
Your presence
Here and there
A mate that actually cares

I am here
And I would stay there
Time flies
But days will drag
If you are one.


Monday, October 20, 2014

Sequel



It is a wrap
He roared
The tone of his voice
Echoed

The ending unfair
When wished upon a star
May it have been 
Different

Now the director dear
Writing a sequel
When long it was clear
There was nothing else

The same actors
A similar decor
And the question burns
Is this setting worth revisiting

Hear the doubt
The first installment
Known to be difficult 
To top

There is a twist
He roars
The tone of his voice
Echoes

The resolution incomplete
My curiosity wins
Convince me
Let us shoot the rest of the story.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Drunk



I got drunk on life
This time, like every time
The old trick works on me
I am just happy enough
Until I have had one too many

Then everything is buzzing
Fuzzy thoughts and accurate feelings

I carry on
As if my gut still permits it
Before promising, I learned my lesson
From overindulging.

This time, I will be more vigilant
Life tastes delicious;
But I should sip gently
Unless it is yet another hangover
From decisions I could regret long after

Then everything is buzzing
Accurate thoughts and fuzzy feelings

Drink moderately, or else I will be
Easily intoxicated
On this plethora of life experiences
This time, I shall only get a little tipsy.


Monday, September 22, 2014

Bounce back



Picking up
Where I left off
Back on a pattern
I am not even sure works
Still I stand here tall
A titillating thought
That yet another shot
The nth time might work.

The premise vacillates
Between what is felt
And how I judge it

What could be different
Will it finally be
If what has changed
Is me?

What only life
Can teach
What experience alone
Will reach
To bounce back
Is not always to start new
But the chance to continue
And stick it out
Especially when full of doubt.

It is a comeback or not
All I have to do is
Show up

Back on the old road
Filled with a new hope.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Looking at me



I catch you
Looking at me
What do you perceive
It is rapture
That you read
Immediately
I spot my reflection
In the eyes of this baby
And as he grins
What can he
Possibly think
But I, I am certain
Of what I seize
When I look at him
The purity is
Overpowering
I could bathe in it
And my only plea
To succumb to it
May his innocence
-- Even a fragment
Rub off on me
Because he inspires me
To see and feel
With the virtuous eyes
Of a newborn baby.


.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Write again



I want to write again
I want to feel
Like I did back then
When my day depended
On the words I had chosen
-- The life I put
In my poems

I want to write again
I want to feel
The thrill of the pen
The delight that rushes through my veins
When the right words blend
The pain I endure
Once my thoughts
No longer make sense

I am exhilarated
When I start
Scribbling on paper
My heart at peace
As soon as I polish it
On my typewriter

I write again
I write
Like nothing ever happened
Like not a thing prevented me
Months at an end

I write again

I write
Because it is who I am
Because in time,
I always return
To my essence
-- That in the end,
Nothing feels quite right
Unless I am writing.




Monday, June 23, 2014

True Love



It all began on the night
I came back
Spotted one in the alley
Thought its bright pink
Had a pretty glow
In the dark.

Then I met one more
And another;
True Love spread
All over town
I would photograph
Each one
With my heart.

Starting to look for it
Proved to be
The wrong habit;
As it is written on the wall
That is when
I would least find it  --

And once I had forgotten
Out of nowhere
Someone out there
Made certain
It was now time
To be
Reminded.

True Love is everywhere
True Love comes
In all shapes and sizes
Eternalized
In the most symbolic places
On that brick
On a trash
At times spelled backwards
Others
With a message
I would cogitate on
Long after.

The last one
Was that kind
Its sense
Divine;

It read Love True
And in my heart of hearts
I knew;

What makes Love true
Is the way I love you.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Detour



I had been assured
God had a shrewd way
Of testing the sour
That paths would continue to cross
'Til I was able at last
To resolve
The implicit matters
Between us.
Time had passed
-- But
Time between goodbye
And the heart that says
Bon voyage
A second is eternal
I would wake up in the morning
Better each day
Though still in mourning.
I was holding onto nothing
Kept replaying the last thing
It was clear in my head
But when I saw you
What I felt
More shock
Than what I thought
was left.
Maybe I had to see you
This last time
To ferret out
Why you were never
mine
I was glozing over
Excuses
I never got
When all along
It was I
Who could call the shots.
Maybe I had to see you
One last time
A proper goodbye
After the one
You were not able to
Provide
-- For me to identify
That I had already let go
And I was certain
I could never live
Without your shadow.
God made me take this detour
However I was now sure
It was the right path
For me to come out
Victorious.



Thursday, June 12, 2014

Again



You can feel yourself slip again
Your chest starts to tighten
And your thoughts slowly blacken
It is a subtle process but it is happening
Will it be worse this time, wondering.
You do not want to lie in that state again
A promise you make to yourself
Now and back then 
Every time you cry without reason.
But here you are, prating
Once again, to bury that side of you 
That will always be hurting;
Once you have creeped into the dark
All your broken pieces are terrified to go back.

But I tell you, whether or not
You are sliding into Hell's mouth
Once again and once more after that
I will be here pulling you back up;

When you are tired of looking for light
I will never tire of your fight.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

Easily


Maybe she loves too easily
Yet she means it when she says it
Her heart on the table
For the person to devour it.

Maybe she loves too easily
She should see how things will evolve
Before flying, one has to first learn
How to crawl.

Maybe she gives herself entirely
That she should protect herself
So she will not be deceived
So briskly.

Maybe she gives herself entirely
And she should not unless she wants
To slowly sparge the pieces
Of yet another shattered heart.


    She gives her love too easily
    But when the ones she adores
    make it worth it
    It overrules
    All other times
    She ended up sobbing like a fool
    The only way to live
    To give is to receive
    She chooses easily
    Over carefully,
    Her heart
    For the taking.





#ootd




Carpe Diem is wearing your best clothes on an ordinary day.





Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Drafts



Flipping
Through my pages
Looking into
Previous phases

Most of them
Done
A few
I saw
Still
Blank
And in the middle
How I had forgotten
That in those
Pages
I had scribbled.

Confused
Because
Rest assured
I myself
Utterly unsure

Why would I keep
Drafts
Were they all in fact
daft?

Then
I grappled
All of a sudden
I remembered

 Did not leave
More feelings
On the page
To lessen the pain
That had me writing
In the first place.

Time had elapsed
And sometimes, I relapse.

Divided
Because
It was noted
Pulled from
Opposite corners
I was undecided

What is a piece
Without its end
Will I find peace
If I write the end

Time had elapsed
And sometimes, I relapse;

Should I
Work on the old
Or learn to
Let go.


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Substitute


He steps out for air
It is time for a smoke
He craves the nicotine
Yet what he exhales
Is electronic.

It is Thursday night
Happy hour about to start
He is not allowed to drink
It has the same color
Apparently with the taste
Of what he is aiming for.

What then is the point
To root for a substitute
Is it so hard to swear off
We need familiarity that
suits.

A discrepancy between
What is and what seems.

Using this word to replace another
Perhaps one to soothe the torture
Finding excuses to justify actions
A lie in disguise enough to comfort.

He decides to go cold turkey
It is harder but at least
He is not pretending
He feels his truth, forgets the substitute
He learned what passive smoking means
And as of late,
Apple juice had become his drink.



Sunday, May 25, 2014

Dance



Dance
Like you do not have a care
In the world
Dance
Like it is the only thing you care about
In this world
Of all ages
From many
Different places
We come together
Just for you
We become one
Tonight
For this music
We all love
To pursue
We are Generation Sven
You create the magic
And we are here
To dance.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Inked



The ink you have seen
My love for you
Rooted
Deep under my skin
There you remain
For always
I will be willing
To suffer

A temporary pain
For a permanent friend.



Sunday, May 18, 2014

Limited



Only thirty-six
Choose wisely
The next shot
Will be
The one
Worth
Documenting.

Others
You will have to
Remember
Force yourself
To lock down
In a corner
Smiles
Landscapes
Dinners

Which one
Is good
Enough
To treasure.

Technology
Took that option out
Click away
Because
No longer
Are you
Limited
Go on
Take another
Until you
Satisfy
Your desire.

Limitless
And you
Thought
You would
Achieve more
Everything valuable
Will all be stored

But what irony

Now there is
Too much
Information
Drowning
And confused
About what is
Precious.

Rather
Back to
Limited
There is less joy
In limitless

Being deprived
You had more
By having one alone
It mattered more
Because ultimately

Rather
Chosen wisely
Than have
One too many.



Unfinished



I will not show it
Just yet
It is not ready
To be framed
Just yet
A work in progress
It is still a mess
She is fast
She peeks at it
Beams
And holds it
It is perfect as it is
Unnecessary to polish it
Because
It is already
Beautifully completed
Right now,

Unfinished.



Thursday, May 15, 2014

Orange



My orange dress
I wore it last
That night
My soul you undressed

I was in love
With all of you
You stripped it down
Claiming we
Belonged to you.

I am reclaiming
What is mine,
What has always been
Mine

I take a vow
I wear it now
This dress I love
My color of love

Dedicate it to
Ours to adore

The one
Given from above.



Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Monday, May 12, 2014

The kick




Now she speaks,
My cold hands
Feel 
The warmth
Of his kick
Saying hello
For the first time
I am euphoric
For this nephew of
Mine
And already
I know
Since that first day
I prayed for you, I saw
Though we have not
Met yet
We are already
Connected 
And always
I will come through
Across this wall 
Of I love you.



Thursday, May 8, 2014

Night Owl




The dark hours
Provide
My light
The best of me
Pops up
At night
A disco nap
Before I go out
Elated
Once the bass
Doles out
Energetic
'Til after dawn
I will continue
As long as
The music is on
And once I
Flit home
My morning song:
Streets in silence
Still playing techno.




Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Music



All meaning is lost, when
Traumatized
By what One loves the most
I could not listen anymore --
What had always
Made me feel alive
From then on
Left me
Trembling on the floor
Just a sound
I would break down
Just a bang
I would go numb

How do I brave on
When my reason
To be
Veered from eternity
To treason.

I could not, I reckoned
Unless I decided;
I still deserve the best,
I stated.

The path to recovery
Is a wretched one
But find one
Even a rose
With too many thorns
Equals a princess
That soldiered on

I discovered
That I was able to once more
Write lyrics
To the tracks
That set me
Back on track

That I alone
Can possibly
Understand

The essence of
Its existence
The true meaning
Of one's being --

Brick by brick
Building me up to the music;
So not only can I listen
But here I am,


Dancing again.




Monday, May 5, 2014

Seat taken





What about stability,
He asked.
This is it,
I said;
As I left my seat
Never turning back
My head.




Saturday, May 3, 2014

A decade here



Here
Revisiting

Places and former feelings
Investing in a past
In the present that is
Anything but sad

I get some flashbacks and laugh
And others I ought to see past.

God willing

How I found myself
Here again
Still asking
How that could happen
However

No longer is my spirit broken

My life still filled with
Those memories

Though for a while
All they did was
Hinder me

Time and healing
Worked wonders

And I have been free

Today
Created moments
I can call my own
And mine alone.

As I peek at that past
Living
In the here and now
I am stoked for
What is coming up

Perhaps
A decade in the making

But maybe God wanted me thinking

My eyes have matured
But being a child at heart
Will forever be my nature.


Thursday, May 1, 2014

Icy fire



In my mind
I go round in round
Bathing in fire
My heart for you never tires.




Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A sip of coffee




A sip of coffee
Disclosing my story
Pasting in this scrapbook,
All the photos of us
I took
Writing the captions,
I tear up with emotions
Eternity is a gentle caress
And I recognize
In the end,
There is nothing more
Real in life
Than
Momentary happiness.



In sickness and in health



We live in a world today where what we have is often mistaken with who we are.



Wednesday, April 23, 2014

BERLIN.bis



It is how I am
When I am here
It is what I hum
When I grab the music
It is who I struggle to be
Someone completely free
The one
I always imagined
I could be
In a dream
And in reality

The city reads
My thoughts
What I desire
And what I fought

Right here is Berlin
The one and unique
Where I can write
My uncut story



Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Us





I cannot really explain

What are we
If not honest;

We are so different
Yet all the same;
Perhaps just a little bit
Borderline insane

And put together,
How wonderfully in sync.

We do what we are
We are what we say,
We say what we think
We think
What we always do:

Love without limits
This is our dynamic.

Freedom is
This world of ours
In which
It is not hard
To be Us,
True to who we are;

I love and thank you
Because
I know with you,
I will
Always rise above.


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Home



As I lay beside you
Already sound asleep;
Press my hand against your back
I can feel every heartbeat. 

Had been longing so long;
I have finally made it home
Somewhere my head is at ease
In your house, all is quiet and calm.

I have heard the noises of the world
Lucky to see countries I did not even dream of;
Each leaving an indelible print,
God blessed me with more than I deserve.


For this reason alone, I never forget
The place where the journey began
I am one that will follow the sun
But wherever I go, I remember where I am from.

I make it a point to return to you;
And what I learn in our time apart
Means the world only once I am back,
For home to me will always be your heart.