Thursday, February 12, 2009


A particular subject has always been an intriguing topic for me. Surely, although we have all heard of -- and maybe even been familiarized with this activity, I still couldn’t help but wonder about the implications of what many tend to call a  « F.F.», which stands for... well, the F*** Friend. It is also commonly known as f*** buddy. An arrangement between two people, obviously into each other enough to be intimate with, yet with no strings attached and probably/perhaps no real future (get the shift) involved. No one gets to drama. No one gets hurt. Everyone knows about this popular doing, whether one agrees with it or not. So how do people actually get to this point : do you and I become F.F.s because we cannot work as a couple ? Are we F.F.s because we are great buddies who happen to be attracted to each other ? Is it the fact that two want to have fun without having the cons of having fun ? Sincerely, is having a F*** Friend the answer to a hip relationship, or is it a dangerous game people should never get into ?

This is not about one-night stands. This is not being in a relationship. And this is definitely not friendship (are we like this with all our friends?). This specific « thing » labeled F.F. is in my opinion, something in between and all three at the same time. It is complicated without actually being complicated. Even how absurd this may sound, I truly believe that this arrangement is a big step towards finding a perfect level of communication between two individuals. On the same wavelength, both know all the rules since the cards are put on the table since day one. Women, like men, cannot complain about the « where are we going ? » part for instance. They cannot get jealous because they don't belong to each other. They actually do not get romantic, despite the reality that the meetings are somewhat too friendly to make it only about sex. And more importantly, they usually can date someone else as well. And so on, and so forth. Perhaps not your favorite type of perfect communication, but no one can deny that it surely is one. A level of communication that is understood, shared, followed and respected by both parties. Those are the rules: they know all about it and everyone is agreeable.

... But as it always is, I do not believe that this mix of « friendship and sex » will remain innocent and so-called sane -- for both parties. F*** Friends could be like a drink we get to taste, but it is not a cocktail we want to continue drinking... indefinitely. I do not doubt that it could go on for a while but eventually, it is certain that one’s feelings will turn towards wanting more than just « that ». It is maybe cliche to think this way but having sex stays intimate and private. It is sharing. It is making love. As the above statements shows, it is not some one-night stand you can or want to forget as briefly as it happened. It is someone we wish to see, someone we want to have in our life. Can we continue sleeping with someone as if it were just for basic needs? And more importantly, can we really go on with this kind of connection when we know that the other may not feel the same way we do?

And real life is not like in the movies where in the end, the two involved wake up and realize that they belong together after all. When it comes to F.F.s, decisions must be taken soon enough. One may fall in love. But it certainly doesn’t mean that the other will. The funny part is that this factor is taken into account also since the beginning. The thing is: since the two are friends, feelings shouldn’t be hurt. But... Aren't they always ?