Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The rise and the fall

There are moments in life where you'll get to stand in front of those life-defining intersections, and the only way to go is to either take the left turn or choose the other direction instead. No one in this world is that lucky: God knows you would love it if it were that easy, but it's a bitter reality that you usually cannot have both solutions. This process might be extremely laborious since an abundance of questions, even regrets or wishful thinking accompany your ultimate choice. And although you sense that you will maybe leave something 'important' behind the second that you leave out that route and alternatively go the other way -- nonetheless, you know that deep down inside, you tried to see fit of what is best for you.

However, it is less straightforward when it comes to the affairs of the heart. There are no straight roads and you might misunderstand -- even just miss -- the signs at intersections. In addition, which direction to take at some junctions is much more complicated than only distinguishing between the left side or the right one: all know that when you fall deeply in love, the heart promptly sees things in another perspective, and that is never in plain black or white, but rather in numerous shades of grey. But when unhappy circumstances occur, and you got a signboard in front of you spelling out point blank that "it's over, get over it and move over", you apprehend that the only approach now is to do your best in dealing with the 'over, over, over' situation and move on.

Your mind and heart are not on the same level as they absolutely do not interact with each other. Indeed, despite the fact that the 'rational' you feels the urge to let go of this certain individual; the 'emotional' you, even if you are tired of fighting the heartache constantly, still leaves a special place for hope in your heart, of course in the desire to turn things around. You hold on, and you keep on holding on. Why have this attitude when you can clearly grasp that remaining in this state may become purely self-destructive? The power of 'holding on' is immeasurable actually, since you can never truly understand -- even less find ways to explain -- what factors measure 'holding on'. Is it the love you've always dreamed of experiencing, and therefore you utterly cannot give up on it? Is the hope to one day having your love reciprocated (again) indestructible; and that is why you are calmly waiting for your lucky numbers to hit the love-jackpot (again)? Or is loving him/her really good enough of a reason to keep on, keep on, keep on holding on?

Consequently, a more hurtful, yet obligatory question comes to mind (and heart): how long are you willing to wait, stay and persevere, and fight for someone... who is not even fighting back for you?

There are moments in life where you know, with certainty, that you are waiting in vain. No 'reading between the lines', no 'mix messages': it is over. Nevertheless, you are still waiting for him/her to change his/her mind, aren't you? Unfortunately, some of us will hold on to a one-sided love relationship for such a long period of time, and in the worst of cases, even perhaps a lifetime. How sad, evidently, and it is not wished upon anyone on the face of the earth; but this 'forever hoping' condition is brutally true at times. But, simultaneously, you cannot turn your back on the "other" life-changing junctions out there. Naturally, you will face one sign that will spell out point blank "dearest, you want and deserve to be happy." Another kind of hope suddenly creeps in: at this intersection, you will now be asked to either go left i.e. continue to hold on to this delusive, unrequited "love"; or you take the right direction and try more assiduously to stop holding on, really let go.

There is no secret potion to get to this accomplishment, and without any doubt, it is not like you haven't tried. But, though violence is never the answer, a good slap in the face will definitely work wonders. Doors will open as you, for instance, get out of your shell 'more', put yourself out there 'more': take a journey in discovering new -- even rediscover old yet forgotten -- things, within and around you. Self-reflexivity is the climax of breaking up with someone, so use it in your advantage: maybe you'll find a hidden talent, get smitten with a then unknown location and meet new friends; and not in a way you're used to! Doesn't that sound pretty amazing? It is obvious that it is not your personal decision to love an unresponsive person or be irreconcilable, but it is your choice to look forward, move forward. Know that it is possible, you only require time. The thing is, no one but you can decide when it is finally time to let go. Accordingly, no one but you will really realize that you have finally moved on. Never lose this hope, one which you can hold on to indefinitely: you deserve to be happy, even if that means it won't include the one you once loved.