Upper hand

I  know who I am

What makes me tick

When something is wrong,

Or when  I am roughly overreacting.

When I enter a state of panic

It makes me sick to my stomach

I do not recognize myself

Or  I remember the one staring at me

All too well

Defensive and uncertain

I am mean and swollen

Emotions overrun me 

So here I am 

Running on empty.

At times I am not in control

Without warning 

Or good reason
What is sure

I am on the brink

Of falling into a loophole

And I  just have to sense

When it happens

When I am this woman

Wearing stilettos on sand;

If you are that man

Not psyched but strong enough

To handle the times 

When I am losing the upper hand.