The Writings of Nicole Bataclan

Honey mustard and barbecue

2012-01-30T01:16:00.002+01:00

For as long as I can remember, I have always ordered the same sandwich each time I went to Subway: wheat bread, meatball marinara, with everything except olives -- and honey mustard sauce to top it all. Delicious, every time. And ever since they opened a branch right around the corner of my place a couple of months ago, I had become a very loyal customer. Funny thing though, as soon as I enter the restaurant, the same ritual happens: for about ten seconds, I look at the menu above the counter and think about changing my order because I consistently take the same sandwich -- and in truth, it would actually be nice to try something new for once. But, as is the custom for all the restaurants I go to on a regular basis, I end up ordering the familiar, exact same thing.

Last friday would not be any different: I had been craving for my Subway fix the whole day and was glad to bring a friend along. As I was placing the order for the both of us, the worker asked what sauce we wanted on our sandwiches. I turned to my friend who requested the barbecue one and as usual, I was lusting over my finger-licking honey mustard sauce. In the process though -- and it prevails as a mystery whether I was the one that was not clear or the woman who misunderstood -- in any case, she got our orders wrong and added barbecue sauce to my familiar, usual meatball-marinara-in-wheat-bread-with-everything-except-olives-dipped-in-honey-mustard sandwich. I did not mind right away until I realized that honey mustard and barbecue could actually be an unsettling mix. In the end, I told myself that it was too much a hassle to redo it all and incidentally, I became curious to discover how my standard sandwich would taste with a hint of barbecue sauce.

After taking my first bite, my dear friend was speculative on what my verdict was -- and the sole answer I could give him, mouthful nonetheless, was that it was absolutely heavenly. It was the best Subway sandwich I had ever tasted. Getting my order wrong turned out to be a great thing. Now I had a new favorite -- and will easily go for a honey mustard and barbecue combination the next time around. As we ate further, my friend reminded me that, ultimately, mistakes do make the best dishes after all.

This episode promptly made me contemplate on mistakes, more specifically, on how we view them. The majority of us live by quotes that praise the positive outcomes of making errors. On a daily basis, notably through the great works of social media, we are pumped with inspirational messages that celebrate our mistakes: they might crush us at first, but as commonly known, they also allow us to come out stronger (and hopefully wiser) in the course of time. Not only do we comprehend that getting it wrong from time to time is pretty much inevitable, but it shakes us to the core for the better.

But suddenly, another thought followed, and I couldn't help but wonder why making mistakes is, truth be told, still one of those things we dread unconsolably in our everyday life -- even though we are well aware of how awe-inspiring their consequences may be. Is it because they change us? Or is it because mistakes have the higher power of defining us? The thing is, being in err remains scary and horrible. It means we were wrong. It comes with hurt feelings and egos. Finally, we are afraid to make fools of ourselves because, let us be honest, we do not all believe that mistakes can make us stronger (or wiser) in the long run.

For instance, many of us yearn for (a radical) change in our lives; yet for some reason, we still tend to remain faithful to the familiar, to what we know. Perhaps because it feels right to begin with? Like ordering the exact same meal in our favorite restaurants, we consider (or pretend to, at least) choosing something else for a nice change of pace; but we still wind up with what we are comfortable with more often than not. The reason why we act this way is because, once again, we are all scared that our new choice might be a gigantic mistake. The fear of erring is stronger -- so we do not even risk it. We stick to the known.

Immediately, that's when I discovered that the real issue lies in the way we evaluate the faults we commit. Undeniably, all those inspirational quotes speak truth: mistakes do always carry a handful of lessons. Nevertheless, more than anything, I also came to realize that mistakes or being wrong do not all come from a bad -- even terrible -- place. It does not necessarily come with hurt feelings and egos. It does not mean we have to be punished and get the moral of the story at the end of the day. We may not grasp it at first but many times, being wrong is truly a gift handed to us by God -- not to learn something, but to become someone. It is when life throws unusual people and situations at us that encourages us to expand our safe and warm cocoon. It is when we deal with unlikely feelings and relationships that urges us to reevaluate our perception of the things that matter to us. It is when we are least comfortable that we learn most about ourselves -- and eventually, that is how we become the best version of ourselves. Being thrown out of our comfort zone might feel nefarious, but can be the best thing that could ever happen to us -- but we must be willing to take that risk, to be wrong, to get it wrong, to be fools. Let us just remember that not all lessons we get from mistakes have to be bitter: Life is fair at times -- and can make our faults taste like a mix of honey mustard and barbecue sauce. Absolutely heavenly. Ultimately, mistakes make the best dishes after all.

Closure

2012-01-26T10:46:00.001+01:00

At times, it is not about opening new doors; but closing some.

Until the mind do you part.

2012-01-20T12:40:00.001+01:00

At the end of the day, people leave you with memories -- and they last forever.

Blind without my glasses

2012-01-19T12:34:00.001+01:00

I apologize for my behavior

It's because I cannot see any clearer

Even when things are laid out in front of me

I only mind what my heart dictates me.

Colors and shapes become a blur

Feelings seem not to be what they were

Unless it's as close as one inch from my face

Everything inside will remain a haze.

I am blind without my glasses

A believer until it all crashes

My heart still set on ice and fire

Until I get the new pair of eyes I require.

Maybe I look at things from another angle

But truth in my eyes was never subtle

Will not settle for less than your butterflies

I'm the kind that sees love through blurry eyes.

Defining limits

2012-01-16T11:30:00.002+01:00

The only rule to any rule is that there are always exceptions.

Friday, the 13th

2012-01-13T15:14:00.000+01:00

Things happen to those who believe.

Limbo

2012-01-10T12:20:00.000+01:00

Some dreams are not meant to be realized.

They linger inside our hearts for all eternity, finding bittersweet solace in their unfulfillment.

Synonymous

2012-01-07T10:48:00.000+01:00

If you are not willing to make a fool of yourself for love;

You will remain a fool.

Sweet talk and action

2012-01-05T23:48:00.000+01:00

Was it all in my head
All the things that you said
No depth in your words
When your actions changed my world.

Did I imagine it all
Smashed my heart into a wall
Your meaningless blabber
When your actions made me fonder.

Was I not on the same page
Now I am searing with rage
Only sweet-talking your way
When your actions let my feelings sway.

Did it mean anything
The chemistry was misleading
I heard what I wanted
When your actions were all but honest.

Pins and needles

2012-01-04T11:51:00.000+01:00

A man is sexiest when he smiles.

Spontaneity has a plan

2012-01-01T17:03:00.002+01:00

Every day is the best day of my life.

Every year is the best year of my life.

Nit-pick

2011-12-30T01:25:00.000+01:00

Every passion is an obsession.

Kissing in the snow

2011-12-20T13:19:00.001+01:00

Her hands are freezing

Her soul is shaking

Is it because it's so cold

Or that racing heart that unfolds

The tension gets thicker

She nervously dithers

Is this really happening

As snowflakes start falling

He takes her lips
They kiss so deep

Under the lamplight

Lovers steal the spotlight

Wrapped in tight embrace
His caress is her fireplace

Under the burning glow
At temperature below zero

An eternal moment right there

All dissolves into thin air
She doesn't notice time just flew

He is her dream come true

They're kissing in the snow

He melts into her shadow

She gives her heart of gold

Love's a flame in the cold.

Fate

2011-12-20T11:28:00.000+01:00

Ironically enough, it is when life is so random that everything makes perfect sense.

The Painter

2011-12-18T12:30:00.000+01:00

Every night I watch you paint,
A few seconds of calming rain
As you bring lightness to the dark,
Ravishing colors across the air shaft.

Might be a little voyeuristic of me,
After all, it is your work in progress I see.
A private sphere I am not proud to intrude,
I hope to keep away until you conclude.

But each night, I am fascinated
As your canvas gets animated
With every stroke of your brush;
Whoever said life is a rush.

Perhaps that is the beauty of it,
Not the end result but getting to it.
Enthralled by the process of creation,
It is the journey, not the destination.

Every night I watch you paint,
A few hours of calming rain.
The Painter is lightness in the dark,
Coloring life across the air shaft.

Snowflake

2011-12-17T20:55:00.001+01:00

The person you think about the first time it snows is

That One person you really want to spend Christmas with.

In my shoes

2011-12-17T19:19:00.000+01:00

The notion of time is only terrible for those who are waiting. The ones on the other side cannot possibly understand.

Strange melody

2011-12-15T13:05:00.000+01:00

I wrote this poem in honor of Billie Holiday's song "Strange fruit" [1939] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXdnD39GYVU) It is one of the saddest, but most beautiful and powerful songs I have ever heard. "Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy." Dan Castellaneta

I had been feeling a little off lately,
It must be because of this strange melody.
Hearing it once sent an arrow through my heart,
The purest form of pain transformed into art.

A song that was written in a different era,
Each rendition of it revives the trauma.
Words you utter send shivers down my spine,
Between love and pain lies but a fine line.

Ensorcelled by this haunting melody,
No other song has had this effect on me.
I'm trembling inside in awe of your voice,
Hanging to every emotion as if I had no choice.

Blues is playing one note and it grabs you,
Music that is so honest it unglues you.
Cannot listen without a knot it my stomach,
The purest form of pain stuck in my heart.

Warmth of snow

2011-12-09T10:50:00.001+01:00

Every year,
It is the same routine.
'Tis the season to be jolly,
But there's something missing.

The city's lighting up
Christmas markets set up.
Quite a wondrous sight,
But stars aren't shining bright.

Wham! is playing on the radio
The classics get their new version.
All might be in place,
But it is the spirit I crave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Truth is,

I do not care much for Christmas trees.

Don't want any gifts on Christmas eve.

Not expecting a kiss under the mistletoe.

Never wrote a wish list for Santa Claus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What cannot be seen,
And only felt from within

Decorate the heart

With ornaments of light.

What cannot be seen,

And only felt from within

Exchanging hearts

On dark, chilly nights.

What cannot be seen,

And only felt from within

Seal my heart with a kiss

Locked in your abyss.

What cannot be seen,

And only felt from within

When the heart doesn't wish

That state of relish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas is in the air,

When material things can't compare.

I'm on the outside, looking in,

What can only be felt from within.

The Christmas spirit grows,

I have felt the warmth of snow.

I'm on the outside, looking in,

A gift that can only be found within.

(a)synchronous

2011-12-08T10:12:00.001+01:00

My dream is real -- and my reality is a dream.

Should slang be suppressed in educational contexts?

2011-12-07T11:10:00.001+01:00

I wrote this essay for one of my classes this semester.

Slang is a subject matter that has always been of greatinterest for linguists and teachers alike. While many might regard it as adistorted aberration of language, others are relatively pleased by thecreativity and wit that are sparked by slang. In hindsight, it is commonlyknown that the younger generation will generate “a language of glitters andsparkles, of words that dazzle” (Dean 323) when they reach a particular age –which is profoundly influenced by friends, music videos and pop culture. And “likeall slang, that of teenagers is language on a certain level, below bothstandard, formal English and colloquial speech, but above vulgarisms andilliterate usages” (Dean 323). Long have critics wondered whether slang putsadolescents at risk: can they still distinguish slang from the Standardvariety? Does its ubiquitous usage prevent pupils from speaking ‘good’English? Lastly, will their future be threatened by this tendency? (Barford bbc.co.uk) Consequently, the need for debate as to whetherslang should be suppressed in educational contexts arose. Institutions like Manchester Academy were convinced that slang was indeed a damaging factor andbanned the use of ‘street slang’ from their school grounds (Barford bbc.co.uk). However, we will discuss why such extreme measuresare quite unnecessary and distasteful. Instead, schools must embrace thereality that slang remains “a second language within the school [that is]impossible to squelch and difficult to resist” (Heiman 249). More importantly,the usage of youth slang has quite a few advantages in other respects as well.Therefore, suppressing slang in educational contexts is clearly not analternative that schools should opt for.

First of all, it is important to note that all distinctive groups, such as soldiers or policeofficers, will inevitably develop a language of their own. In other terms, itis a “natural human tendency” (qtd. in Barford bbc.co.uk) to produce slang to some extent. Needless to sayagain, adolescents are known to immerse in a group that tends to produce itsown slang as well: they will come up with a personal set of words andsentences. Robert Beard, PhD of Linguistics and president of alphadictionary.com, assures us that slang is a “crucial part of a youngperson’s ‘coming of age’.” This form of language may differ from what isconsidered ‘proper’ English; nevertheless, youth slang should still beauthorized in educational contexts because pupils should always be able toexpress themselves, even if that implies taking the liberty of using slang bothoutside and inside the classroom. As the slang expert Thorne observed, not onlyis this kind of language variety an inevitable phenomenon, but teachers mustgrasp that teenagers make use of slang in order to communicate with each otherand express themselves. Dennis R. Dean, teacher at Palo Alto High School inCalifornia, states: “slang is language in which teenagers are demonstrablyinterested” (Dean 323). If schoolswere to forbid slang, it would attack freedom of expression. Ultimately, slangis still an authentic way of expressing one’s feelings and opinions.Accordingly, institutions should never deprive teenagers of that right: banningslang from school property would mean prohibiting students from speaking theirminds.

Admittedly, some teachers fear that pupils might nolonger be able to make a clear distinction between Standard English and slang.This is one of the main problems that teachers encounter with the usage ofslang. In addition, they want their pupils to understand that slang is notappropriate at all times. Yet suppressing it in classrooms is not thesolution that teachers should adopt in order to reach this goal. As a matter offact, a number of educators are convinced that letting ‘slang’ enter the schoolpremises will, on the contrary, help adolescents perfect their English. ElsaRussell, a teacher from Connecticut, wrote an article in the “The EnglishJournal” in which she explained how she introduced a lesson on “slanguage” toher ninth-year English class. Russell instructed her pupils to submit a chart inwhich they would write down slang words and expressions they make use of on adaily basis. Then, they were asked to give their equivalent in ‘good’ English.Russell notes this was an exercise that caught the attention of her studentsimmediately because “the class was obviously much more interested in the slangper se than in the equivalent King’s English expression” (741). Her goal was tomake her students aware of these subtleties in language. In this regard, we canassess that, by acknowledging the nature of slang – instead of suppressing it –in educational contexts, pupils will be able to distinguish between StandardEnglish and slang more effectively. Indeed, Heiman, coordinator of the EnglishDepartment at the Monana Grove High School in Wisconsin, also says that “byrecognizing [slang], analyzing it as English, and putting it to use, we mightteach its users some things they may not know about the language, the way theyuse it, and, the way we would like them to use it. We may even discover thatsome of the excitement students exhibit in using a slang dialect can betransferred to their learning the standard dialect” (249). Both Heiman andRussell demonstrate that, by letting slang enter the classroom, pupils will comprehendthe contrast between slang and ‘proper’ English better. It would even encouragethem to improve their language skills. Hence, this is a further reason why slangshould not be suppressed in educational contexts.

Another reason why slang should not be banned fromschool grounds is because teachers should also acknowledge the positiveoutcomes that this form of language engenders. Slang breathes creativity. Itmanifests the innovations of language. Not all slang must be thought of as apeculiarity. As a matter of fact, a large number of slang items and expressionsserve a good purpose. David Crystal, who wrote “The Cambridge Encyclopedia ofthe English language”, states that “slang is a way of being witty and differentas well as adding earthiness to the abstract. It can reduce the seriousness ofan occasion or take the sting out of a refusal” (qtd. in Watson The EnglishMagazine). Green, who published “Green’sDictionary of Slang”, the largest slang dictionary in the English language, inMarch 2011; also attests that slang is “vibrant, creative, witty and open toseemingly infinite re-invention” (Peters cnn.com). In this regard, we can recognize why slang has itsplace in educational contexts. Teachers should admit that youth slang isingenious. Whether in speaking or in writing, a slang term or expression hasthe potential to add color, depth or humor to language. As a consequence, weapprehend why slang should be authorized in educational contexts.

Finally, youth slang on school premises should not besuppressed because it gives the opportunity to discover new or interestingterms. Eventually, these terms could become an accepted part of Standard English.Generating slang also offers a chance to enrich one’s vocabulary. In his article, Heiman explains that aslang term generally follows one of these patterns: some words, such as“skidoo”, become widely popularized but die as fast as they were invented.Other terms, such as “booze”, are born but remain in the slang register.Finally, a term that started off as slang, for instance “walkie-talkie”, caneventually become Standard English (250). The fact is that language is always evolving:new words and coinages emerge. Some that were once considered slang are now‘proper’ English items. Slang in educational contexts should be allowed becausemany items that the younger generation introduces could be kept in thedictionary. Furthermore, slang is a fun way of finding clever or amusingsynonyms for ‘proper’ Standard English words and expressions. In 2005, theTeacher Training Agency in the United Kingdom launched a campaign entitled“Linguist. Would you like to learn new words?” and compiled an E-cyclopedia ofemerging new coinages and words that could benefit adults as well (bbc.co.uk). Thisexample shows that youth slang has its advantages. If teachers allow slang ineducational contexts, they will be able to learn a few lessons from the youngergeneration as well. As Elsa Russell claims, slang, “if carefully selected, is the living, breathing expression oftoday’s thoughts and may become accepted and classic form of tomorrow’s” (744).Therefore, slang should not be suppressed from school premises.

In light of these arguments, we can conclude thatyouth slang has a legitimate place in educational contexts. Generating slang isa natural human process that enables new forms of expressions to be created.Moreover, slang does not hinder pupils from speaking Standard English. On thecontrary, by understanding and investigating the nature of slang, studentsbecome more aware of ‘proper’ English and are able to process in whichsituations it is more appropriate to use ‘formal’ English. Slang breathescreativity and what is considered youth slang today can be in tomorrow’sdictionary. For all these reasons, slang should not be suppressed in songsbecause it has a lot of advantages. In the end, like poet Whitman said,language is “some vast living body, or perennial body of bodies. And slang notonly brings the first feeders of it, but it afterward the start of fancy,imagination and humor, breathing into its nostrils the breath of life” (435).

Sources

Barford, Vanessa. “Mind your slanguage.” BBC News. 08 December 2009. Accessed 04 November 2011.

< http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8388545.stm>

Beard,Robert. “What is slang?” alphadictionary.com, 22 March 2006. Accessed 04 September 2011.

<http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/what_is_slang.html>

Dean, DennisR. “Slang is a language too.” TheEnglish Journal. Vol. 51, No. 5, pp.323-326. National Council of Teachers of English: 1962.

Heiman,Ernest. “The Use of Slang in Teaching Linguistics.” The English Journal. Vol 56. No. 2, pp. 249-252. National Concil ofTeachers of English:1967.

Peters, Mark.“New Bible of slang is published.” CNN.03 March 2011. Accessed 04 November 2011.

<http://edition.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/03/03/good.greens.dictionary.slang/index.html>

Russell,Elsa. “Slang – Face to Face.” The English Journal. Vol. 23, pp. 740-744. National Council of Teachers of English: 1934.

Watson,Margaret. “Slang is it good or bad?” The English Magazine. 01 June 2010. Accessed 04 November 2011.

<http://www.english-magazine.org/index.php/english-language/1090-languagearticle.html>

Whitman,Walt. “Slang in America.” The North American Review. Vol. 141. No. 348, pp 431-435. University ofNorthern Iowa: 1885.

“A lexicon ofteen speak.” BBC News. 10 June 2005.Accessed 04 November 2011

<http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4074004.stm>

Reignited

2011-11-28T23:30:00.000+01:00

Sometimes, it is not someone new you need -- but something new.

All things change but us.

2011-11-27T17:00:00.001+01:00

Life is so unpredictable and one is never certain what will happen, whether good or bad.

But sometimes, it is comforting to know that some things are lifelong constants.

My heart on ice and fire

2011-11-25T18:44:00.001+01:00

You are the one I desire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Always in pristine attire

The one the sets my heart on ice, and fire.

As regal as should be a sire

The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

A dream sight like the shire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Shining eyes of sapphire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Character traits I admire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Your life stories inspire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Got everything I require
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

But at times a misleading satire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire

The cold look of a vampire

The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Throw my feelings in a mire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Then some nights are quite dire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

But you are the one I desire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

From you I cannot retire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

My love for you will not expire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

When will I acquire
The one that sets my heart on ice, and fire.

Slave to the immediate

2011-11-24T18:22:00.001+01:00

Red light blinking

Message incoming

The custom nowadays

We read it fast

We get it now

Connected at all times

Not sending a swift reply is a crime

We have become so impatient

Slave to this second

Slave to the immediate

Delayed gratification

Once a fulfilling sensation

A strain to wait a while

Feelings at high speed

Feelings at a risk

All communications

A wave of indignation

The interval is too long

We count the limits

We count every minute

Time is on our side

Technology provides

But what we lose in return

It is timing we force

It is us we coerce

Power of the ephemeral

2011-11-23T11:10:00.001+01:00

Find eternity in a moment.

Breaking the curse

2011-11-22T23:08:00.001+01:00

I know the lyrics to this song
Already had this conversation
Not the first time I wear this outfit
All the old doubts stuck on repeat

I sense a huge train wreck coming
Cannot help but have misgivings
Heart desires a bona fide ending
Cloud above my head to stop following

I have felt my smile slip away
Already awaiting such cliche
Sounds like I've heard and seen it all
Different journey, yet the same goal

I am bound to just rehearse
When does it cease to be a curse
Getting weary of this limbo
Ready to be the lead in my own show

Be the one that proves me wrong
The person with no trepidation
Will I ever pass this exam
Or am I to change who I am.

Unbreakable

2011-11-20T12:02:00.001+01:00

Family comes first, even in discussions.

Time is gold, silver and bronze

2011-11-15T15:33:00.001+01:00

If life were a race, I would definitely want to finish last.

Say yes

2011-11-06T11:41:00.001+01:00

When you are asking someone's opinion... Most of the times, you are not really asking;
You just want them to support the decision you've already made.

Nelly Furtado

2011-11-03T17:51:00.003+01:00

You are the answer to a question I never asked.

One

2011-11-01T16:30:00.002+01:00

In a heartbeat, only one thing will suffice to outweigh all the bad.

A million questions

2011-10-30T22:22:00.001+01:00

Help me understand
Did I lose this hand?
Where did it go wrong?
Been patient so long

Help me get it right
Are we not alright?
Why are you so mean?
You were more than keen

Leaving me hanging
What's up with this thing?
Are there more reasons?
Hitting my buttons

Leaving me wondering
What am I missing?
And are you that vain?
You have to explain

I am still waiting
Why am I clinging?

Will you be a dear?

Nothing's crystal clear

I am still asking
Are you listening?

Are you worth a dime?

A waste of my time

You got me puzzled
Is it all canceled?
Why make it so hard?
Yes you disregard

You got me confused
Aren't you amused?
So is this the end?
Don't get what happened...

Drunk dialing

2011-10-29T22:39:00.001+02:00

Calling you at this ungodly hour
Almost certain that you will be bothered
Apologizing for my drunken state
I guess this is how my feelings translate.

There's no way in hell I would have done this
In broad daylight, try not to reminisce
But what cold breeze on this dark autumn night
Slightly emotional after midnight.

Perhaps I had a little more to drink
Normally, my sorrows I do not sink
Although drunk dialing is not so smart
The truth is I am pouring out my heart.

Wanted to hear your voice right about now
Even if tomorrow, I'll raise an eyebrow
Aware that this is pretty much absurd
Barely coherent, I'm fairly hammered.

Miss you more than I will ever admit
It is like there's a hole in my spirit
You're still everything that I desire
The one that sets my heart on ice and fire.

I called you at this ungodly hour
Absolutely sure that you are bothered
Forgive me for my vulnerable state
Lost my heart and my mind, I can't locate.

Real masks

2011-10-28T17:28:00.000+02:00

Putting on a mask is routine
Every day is Halloween
This flawless smile will mislead you
False tears have ways to seduce you

When are you really being real
Honest about feeling what you feel
Is there somebody here to please
Hindering you with boundaries

Society you cannot outsmart
Costumes are an integral part
Easier to be someone else
A personality that sells

In an alternate universe
Masks and sincere feelings diverge
What you see is what you will get
There's nothing here to simulate

When you are really being real

Honest about feeling what you feel

There's nobody but you to please

Lets you be without boundaries

Poison will eat you from within
If living in another skin
Real masks are not a solution
Rather scorned than an illusion

Same page

2011-10-27T01:10:00.004+02:00

You forget to remember, and I remember to forget.

Some stories

2011-10-26T13:46:00.000+02:00

Some love stories cannot stand on their own

All those nights I was waiting by the phone

For things that were unlikely to happen

Still, there I was wondering without end.

Some love stories need the hurdles and pain

All those days when I was going insane

Put pieces together that didn't fit

Still hoping that I was in for a treat.

Some love stories are this rapturous thing

All this time, loving him and suffering

But he's the sunrise that makes my heart sing

Still here, not trading him for anything.

Some love stories cannot stand on their own

They require the hurdles and the pain

The impossibility of it all

To be this beautiful, rapturous thing.

Why?

2011-10-24T11:37:00.002+02:00

You know you are in love when you cannot explain why.

I thought you would understand

2011-10-19T12:28:00.000+02:00

Nothing worse than still judging a book by its cover,

even after you've read it.

Not given

2011-10-14T11:55:00.002+02:00

Life is really good, especially when you don't realize it is.

The beginning of things

2011-10-12T21:50:00.001+02:00

You only liked the beginning of things,
When getting a call sent your heart racing
And the dates were less than predictable
A few days apart were hard to handle

We would be the best version of ourselves
Our conversations were rich and honest
Didn't mind kissing until the wee hours
Then, you would still surprise me with flowers

A time we were so afraid to fall short
Both you and I would put in the effort
We did not take a moment for granted
It was love in all its glory, splendid

And all of a sudden, we stopped caring
It was too familiar for our liking
We were past the infatuation phase
Realizing a love so sure betrays

You only loved the beginning of things,
When there was no jealousy or crying
So we started to count our shortcomings
When did the real thing become frightening?

PEOPLE

2011-10-11T11:00:00.000+02:00

In my melting pot

Everyone has his slot

Some are like sugar in my coffee

Some make life a little more spicy

The days we spend together

Those adventures that brought us closer

You got that extra something

And talking to you became my thing

Whether I've met you only twice

Or have given me lifelong advice

I'm the kind that will value

In difficult times, I'll see us through

I won't forget the details of your face

No one ever leaves without a trace

People are my greatest inspiration

Without each other, we cannot function

We all have a role to play

I'm keen on meeting you halfway

This is what you've done to me

Soul food I crave regularly

PEOPLE, PEOPLE
Every relationship is fruitful

People manage to bring you back

When they've seen you go off track

People remind you who you used to be

And salute you when you've achieved so greatly

People who stay though seasons change

Love you even when you're acting strange

Never really far away

I am not going to let us go astray

You might be in a crowded space

But in my heart, you'll always have a place.

Non-fiction

2011-10-10T02:09:00.001+02:00

Where's Waldo? was the game we used to play

Different setting each time, still the same chase

An impossible task to find a way

When my sole desire was to see your face.

It took us a while to reach this level

Like two angry birds who kept on failing

We couldn't overcome our obstacles

Until we found tricks to break the pattern.

The road to here was a little bumpy

So glad we're now more like Tom and Jerry

Catching you is not a small victory
We get to tease each other constantly.

I'm Lois Lane who got her Superman

Testing us allowed our bond to deepen
Never felt safer than in these strong arms

After troubled times came the happy end.

It's you I see

2011-10-02T13:10:00.002+02:00

Right here, right now

Turned into a flamingo

That can fly

Standing in the middle

Of a bridge, so high,

And I, so little...

With an open heart

I embrace nature

It's my soul you nurture

Beautiful days are felt on the inside

I'm whole again, it's you I see outside

Perfect, flawless face in the clouds

My love for you, I scream out loud

It will echo

In the mountains

Live on forever

Like a fountain

Through good and storm

Only you

Can keep me warm

Never far apart,

My morning thought, you start

Beautiful days are felt on the inside

I'm whole again, it's you I see outside

Perfect, flawless face in the clouds

My love for you, I scream out loud

Oh wonders surround me

Oh wonders within me

It's you I see

Hidden strength

2011-09-28T12:08:00.000+02:00

God doesn't give you challenges you cannot handle.

Even before I met you

2011-09-24T15:29:00.000+02:00

I have dreamt of you

Even before I met you
Home to feature films

And idolized in songs

Known in your own right

If only for your lights

Seems like I've been here

Even before it was real

Now following the beat
Walking down your streets

My eyes are hungry

Your spirit alone fills me

Iconic New York City

Where dreams don't go to sleep
More than I envisioned
Exceeded expectations

My feet on the ground
I'm bringing my hopes to town

Mark your words

2011-09-22T16:46:00.000+02:00

Learn how to scribble before you write.

Souls collide

2011-09-19T23:27:00.000+02:00

I've written a love letter here before

Was the time I thought our future was sure

On my way to the eternal city

There, I knew that you were waiting for me

In the beginning, when everything's new

Driven by passion, it's mountains we move

Our souls collide, and the story we start

I was yours, you were mine - everything right.

So fate brought me back here six years later

The universe has a sense of humor

Us together, a distant memory

Buried someplace where my heart cannot see

In the end, when everything's forgotten

I'd lie if I said it's all forgiven

Chapter in the past, this love lost its spark

No longer you and I - everything dark.

Fourth coming

2011-08-31T14:40:00.001+02:00

Sometimes, destiny takes detours --

But it never takes its eyes off the destination.

To whom it may concern

2011-08-24T14:25:00.001+02:00

To whom it may concern
This, you have to discern
I'm not here to play games
True love is what I aim

I have been there, done that
The life of a wildcat
I'm in for the long run
I'll wait to be The One

To whom it may concern
My time, you'll have to earn
I promise you my all
For me, you should stand tall

Willing to take a chance
Go all in for romance
I'm ready for this change
One's up for the challenge

To whom it may concern
You have to be certain
We must want the same things
With my heart, no gambling.

The nomad

2011-08-23T13:47:00.001+02:00

A nomad's home is the road
His favorite spot, the window.
The eyes wander constantly
Heightened by their vicinity.

A nomad adores people
To his travels, they're fuel.
Differences is what he seeks
A common ground is what they'll reach.

It's a nomad's addiction
Have this world leave an impression.
He'll get smitten with a place
Set off, but not without a trace.

It's a nomad's prerogative
To venture, for him, is to live.
Memories in his suitcase
New experience, he'll embrace.

For a nomad, it never stops
There's no such thing as enough.
Globe-trotting is a purpose
This nomadic life he chose.

The virgin diaries

2011-08-21T14:28:00.002+02:00

When I was in the Philippines a few weeks ago, while we were driving from Makati to Las Piñas, I happen to listen to a radio show that caught my attention immediately. The show, like any other typical "Doctor Love" session past the witching hour, had a male caller complain about a certain issue he recently had with his girlfriend. He courted her for more than a year before they became a couple; and they were going strong for the last two years. He loved her simplicity, her shyness - and her "hard-to-get" ways were, in his opinion, worth all his time and efforts. More importantly, what attracted him in the first place was her virginity. She prided herself in the fact that she wanted to wait - and he was more than willing to.

But like all zealous men in their twenties, he looked forward to taking the relationship to the next level and even though she rejected his advances quite a number of times -- after two years together -- she finally gave in. Unmatched, their first time was going to be beautiful. It was going to be spectacular. Yet, instead of it being the new experience he had long hoped for; he was in for a bad surprise -- because right after they had sex, he found out that it was, actually, not such a new experience for her. Indeed, he was not her first. She had been touched before - and this sudden revelation, completely and utterly, destroyed him.

But as the male caller explained his story, I, like the host of the radio show, could not clearly identify what his real problem was. Undoubtedly, it was wrong for her to lie about her virginity -- and no one in this world would judge the poor guy for being so cross at her. But as he went along, I could not help but sense that he was much more upset about the fact that she was not a virgin than the fact that she hid the truth. Above all, he could not get past the reality that since she was, indeed, not a virgin; then why did she let him wait an eternity for sex? Finally, he seeked advice on whether he should break up with her or not. The host then raised two important questions: "Do you want to break up with her because she lied or because she was not as pure as you thought she was? And if it is the latter, does her non-virginity truly make her less worthy of a woman now?" The caller hesitated for a while before admitting that he contemplated on ending their relationship because of the latter: because she was touched before, and not because she did not tell the truth. He even confessed that if he knew she wasn't a virgin to begin with, he would not have bothered to date her at all. I was furious -- and so was the radio host because she said "Actually, I strongly believe that she should be the one breaking up with you, and not the other way around. You do not deserve her -- or her love since you are judging her based solely on her (non-)virginity. It is like saying that all her other qualities do not count. It was definitely a mistake for her to lie about it -- and whether you forgive her or break up with her because of that false information should be the real issue. Having said that, maybe she did not tell you because she knew you would react the way that you are right now? And she was right - you are being a fool. In the end, did you truly love her or did you fall in love with her virginity?"

One's virginity - surely a person's most precious possession - has always been a very sensitive and long debated subject, especially in more conservative societies where even discussing it is a huge step. Sex before marriage, contraception and protection, teen pregnancies, sex within cultural and religious differences - these matters related to sex have indeed raised awareness, questions, and eyebrows throughout the ages. As early as our teenage years, we learn that having sex for the first time will be an important happening in our lives -- and it is of course better if we wait for the right person to experience it with. Some people will get to have their fairytale story while many others will think of losing their virginity as a horrendous event.

Without doubt, one's virginity is something that should not be taken lightly and it is a fact that a woman's purity, in comparison to men's, has always seemed more of a serious matter - for women and as it appears, it is at times even more of value for men. It is perhaps a double standard that is arguable and unfair on so many different levels -- but a social truth nonetheless. Moreover, we can concede that this subject is closely connected to what will (eventually) become a woman's sexual and/or romantic history - which will honestly matter for many men when they meet someone. Of course it would be wonderful if one is lucky enough to live his/her true love with one person alone, but we live in world today where opportunities and options have widened. Consequently, women are incontestably more liberal about sex - embracing their sexual prowess as much as men do -- which was not the case only a few decades ago. And so it becomes a reality that a lot of a woman nowadays will have more than one partner in her lifetime -- whether she is proud of that fact or not. The consequences are of course both negative and positive: women gain more experience and confidence, but they are also somehow labelled because of such practice. And so we can ask ourselves: does our sexual history define us? Does it become a factor that will weigh on our dating life? And ultimately, is it right to judge a person because of where he/she has been before?

In the dating scene, many people fear that their history will haunt them because many things in that box could either be shameful, repulsive or even just crazy. And in spite of the fact that we are pushed to believe that we are able to learn from the past, many souls remain persistently judgmental on someone's (sexual and romantic) background. He/she has the history of... makes it seem close to impossible to leave it all behind. But, once again, although it may as well have that major impact -- it simply is not right to let it overshadow our whole being. If a man, like the male caller on that radio show, is not willing to take a bigger chance on a woman just because she's not as untouched as she should have been in his eyes, then he surely is not worth the bother to begin with. The past becomes a part of someone, but it definitely does not make the person. Love is loving it all: qualities, flaws and everything in between. In the end, the thing about virginity is that it symbolizes something new. And when we fall in love, for the first or nth time, aren't we always starting fresh? Of course that is the case -- and some worthy man will know the difference. And like Madonna once said, "I'd been had, I'd been sad and blue. But you made me feel shiny and new. Like a virgin, touched for the very first time."

Osmosis

2011-08-19T12:49:00.001+02:00

Nothing but the sound of the waves

Feeling the warm wind on my face

Close my eyes just before I dive

I have never felt more alive

Millions have walked here before me

Still, this moment belongs to me

When my footprints will wash away

In my heart you are here to stay

The island's whispering to me

Overwhelmed by your energy

Everything in sudden osmosis

A harmony I'll surely miss

-Written in BALI, INDONESIA

Pebbles

2011-08-14T06:26:00.041+02:00

One of my dearest once told me that life is like drawing a line on the floor; and every event -- no matter how big or small -- is a stone that is gently placed on that line as we go on our journey through life.

Some incidents are as light as a pebble. Without any major impact, they are often forgotten as soon as they occur - left to rest in the back of our minds. Other stones are indisputably more significant - special, perhaps even pretty exceptional. When we take a look at them long after the moment has passed, it brings out a smile, a chuckle or even triggers a long, loud laugh. Some of these special episodes, naturally, have the opposite effect: capable of making our eyes roll, see red, shed tears and at times, they even make the whole body cringe. And ultimately, there are those events that are rock hard - real big, really heavy. Life-altering, they either make us - or break us. This type of happening usually compels us to question or even change our outlook on things, it molds our being in more ways than we sometimes wished for - and we know, to the core, that we are never the same again.

Life - a line filled with stones of different shapes, colors and weight; and only God knows in what order.

Exactly five years ago today, something monumental happened to me and if I may, I would definitely say that this kind of event belongs to the last category: rock hard -- real big, really heavy. It made me question, it made me change my outlook on things and it has truly mold me in more ways than I often wished for - and I know, to the core, that I will never be the same again. Thing is, many days or events become but fragments of our past and memory -- but some have, to our liking or not, colossal implications. Like a huge rock seen in broad daylight, its shadow lingers -- the consequences of the event, much bigger than the event itself.

Long have I wondered what I learned from such a massive experience and in truth, it is plenty. Once again -- and I reckon I will never repeat it enough since it has had a huge influence on my writing -- I am grateful for the fact that I now get to appreciate the smaller things much better than I used to. I know what it feels to be extremely lucky. I found out that there is eternity in a moment. Whether we see it right away or not, people come into our life for different reasons -- all good ones. There is no age limit for learning... or fun. And I am sure that the best love is the "no-matter-what" one.

Furthermore, I've learned the true meaning of patience - especially because I know what it is not having any. I also believe that although we may not be able to control our feelings sometimes, we are still able to get through them as long as we have the people we love by our side. It is extremely important to work our strengths, but let us not be so hard on ourselves because of our weaknesses. Adjusting ourselves, to a person or a situation, is undoubtedly one of the hardest tasks in life, and there is no way out but through. After this incident, I also came to realize that normal does not exist. Finally, we must keep the faith that turning plans into reality will always be possible - no matter our shortcomings and numerous setbacks, no matter how long it takes. Small steps are indeed frustrating, but we continue to walk the line nonetheless. Many of us live our lives with the belief that only special or stepping stones truly matter, but in the end, maybe the greatest lesson I have learned is that even the smallest pebble can create ripples.

The Innocence of it All

2011-08-10T05:35:00.011+02:00

I would write your name on a piece of paper

Add little hearts and a whole lot of color

Then, the mere thought of you was enough for me

I would get a hello; my heart raced quickly.

Beauty of young love lies in its purity

Ephemeral, untainted eternally

A time when possibilities were endless

Love seemed simple - and the heart knew nothing less.

Once older, bruised from a crushed romance or more

Left space for cynicism to take over

And I wonder if it can happen again

Could I love like I have never been in pain?

Innocence of young love is indelible

Now, even forgot the mirth to just giggle
Would like to think there's naivete like before
Love is simple - and this heart knows it for sure.

Zigzag

2011-07-16T16:45:00.004+02:00

We could reach the same destination though we may take different paths.

Anti-crush

2011-06-28T17:49:00.001+02:00

It is the forever longing that makes me forever want you.

Change is coming to town

2011-06-24T11:41:00.002+02:00

Life is too beautiful to be anything else than happy.

Blue clouds and a white sky

2011-06-23T17:56:00.003+02:00

Blue clouds and a white sky

Another year goes by

And now I'm twenty-six;

Grateful to add new bricks.

Live my life in full swing

Finding joy in all things.

Each moment leads to now

Dodge bullets without frown.

Thankful for who I am

In deep waters I swam

No remorse since my youth

My heart still searches truth

I love wholeheartedly

Beauty surrounding me.

Forever in a day,

Extremes like all the way.

Blue clouds and a white sky

God hears me laugh and cry

My soul paints a picture,

A life filled with rapture.

Borderline

2011-06-14T03:18:00.013+02:00

Sometimes, I think we go too far
Chatting about things off radar
A place we shouldn't wander to
Makes me revise my feelings for you

Draw a line between you and me
That's the only way it can be
There's no need to plant this garden
Don't want me falling for you again

We're joking, but I am smitten
I wonder if you too, are lightened

Some things should remain off limits

Drawn to you once more is illicit

Have a line between you and me

That's the only way it should be

If we were to have each other

In our lives, it comes with a barrier

Took us years to be where we are

Loving you was going through war

We've passed all that without good-bye

And now you are my closest ally

Need this line between you and me

That's the only way it must be

I am mixing oil with water

Each time my love for you is triggered

Aren't we borderline flirting

Once we get into that talking

Tiptoeing on dangerous ground

In this ocean, I know I will drown

Keep this line between you and me

The only way that works for me

If only this could stay frozen

Because I can't fall for you again.

Flying kiss

2011-06-13T16:16:00.003+02:00

Loving you from afar is as close as I'll ever get to you.

Never without you

2011-06-12T11:23:00.000+02:00

"He who does not love his own language is worse than an animal and smelly fish." - Dr. Jose Rizal

Growing up as a Filipina abroad can often feel like being a contestant on a quiz show. Yet in comparison to those kind of shows where the participant is required to give one exact answer only, I sometimes need to think twice before answering the very simple question: "So, where do you come from?" My replies, depending on the situation, range from "I am from the Philippines" to "I am a Filipina who grew up in Geneva" to "I was born in Switzerland but I am originally from the Philippine Islands."

As the years went by and I had the opportunity to live in different countries, the answers became more and more elaborate. I am a Swiss-born Filipina but lived in this and that country for a certain period of time and I am currently residing in... People either get very intrigued or tired, depending on the conversation, by the time I finish the second sentence. It would be nice to keep the answers easy and short, but the bottom line is that I feel like I must mention every single detail for people to really understand who I am.

Despite the fact that my explanations frequently varied, it dawned on me that something remained the same all this time. I am Filipina. Because no matter which destination I have been to, where I am right now and wherever my feet will take me; I always took pride in my heritage and my ability to share where I come from with people around the globe.

In truth, it is because of my wonderful family -- in particular my parents and my grandmother -- that my roots play such an immense role in shaping and defining my identity. My parents quickly understood that living abroad could make things a little complicated since my siblings and I were going to grow up abroad. Of course we needed to fit in with our environment but at the same time, they made sure to teach us our cultural background, help us remember our traditions and know all about the history and Greatest of our country. More importantly, if I were asked to name the one thing I am so very proud of, I will definitely say that my family did us right by teaching us Tagalog.

The importance of language

One of the most significant topics that Filipino parents who emigrate must deal with is the importance of language. They stand before a crucial decision: Will we teach our children Pilipino? This question might appear trivial to some but it is a harsh reality that a number of parents do not go the extra mile to teach their children Pilipino. Indeed, many of the next generations who grow up abroad -- a lot of them are cousins and good friends of mine -- do not speak the language. Some do not even understand it at all. I do not blame them because it is clearly not their fault. In any case, to be completely frank, I find that fact abominating and simultaneously, I cannot fully grasp why this occurs. Usual reasons -- or dare I say excuses -- I hear are "My children could get confused if they speak French, German, Swedish or Russian at school and Pilipino at home" and "They do not really need to speak Pilipino." First of all, I believe it is nonsense to think children will be confused because they learn different languages at the same time, not to mention it is underestimating their abilities to learn. The point is that the only way they can be taught is through their parents and they will learn the local language by being around others anyway. After all, children are gifted and fast learners. Secondly, how could people feel like their children do not need to learn the Pilipino language? What happens when they fly back home and wish to communicate -- in particular with elders who do not necessarily speak English?

The only valid reason I can find for not educating youngsters is that parents simply do not care enough. Or is it maybe because they are overwhelmed by their own yet 'complicated' language? Are they not proud of being Filipino? Or do they consider their children not Filipino because they were born abroad? I feel strongly about this subject not only because my family taught me just how important it is to be fluent in Pilipino but because I, myself, assume it is a pity to not even speak the language of your parents (even if it is only your mother's or father's!) -- it is your own language in the end. I reckon that if your parents do not push you enough, then it is your responsibility to make the effort. After all, language is the doorway to acknowledging and understanding your legacy. It is something you can take pride in, it is an asset you must value with your whole heart. The best thing about knowing the language is that people will praise you for it -- especially because you grew up abroad. Once more, you might not have lived in your home country but it is no reason (or excuse) to forget where you are from.

Best of both worlds

On the other hand, I must admit that growing up as a Filipina abroad can also be quite tricky at times. You are Filipino but you live here. You wonder who you really are and must find ways to describe it. But in time and with experience, I learned once again that it is by appreciating your origins i.e. you own language and culture first that enabled me to discover who I am. "He who does not know how to look back at where he came from will never get to his destination" Dr. Jose Rizal. Meanwhile, I perceive what is so great and special about living in a foreign country: by exploring the city you grew up in and the places you have been to; you grasp that these factors forge your entire being as well. Without doubt, obviously, I am a proud Filipina but I am also very thankful for having been given the chance to be abroad. All these years I spend in lovely Switzerland and every time I moved to a new city, I made sure to learn the language, get to know the culture and fit in with its people as well. I am assured that it is equally important. I am extremely lucky because I manage to mix both: I am Filipina and I blend in. Having the best of both worlds is a treasure, never considered a hindrance. In the end, this diversity creates the new breed of Filipinos.

Love from my shades

2011-06-11T13:04:00.002+02:00

- Love from my shades -

a poem by Nicole Bataclan

I used to have this song on repeat.
It brightened up my day, and it followed me to sleep.

Like a child that picked his number one candy,

I adored it; eating from the palm of my hand, word after word.

And as I hummed the melody, I hummed...

As if it were the only existing, most beautiful sound in the world.

Now, hidden in the dark, far from daylight; my heart breaks.

It takes me by surprise every time; God knows I cannot fake.

I close my eyes slowly, it all starts to feel heavy.

Every stroke on the guitar, the bass remains steady.

Can you hear the drums, and how Anthony perfects it?

The rhythm revives the used-to-be, reminds me it was not meant to be.

Sing for me, please, play it once again for me.

I listen, chords and words. And it is finally dawn, sunrise becomes me.

Pain, it brings no more. Sad tears, I ceased to accumulate.

I am not bitter: to this song, him, I no longer associate.

Lyrics and melody, Red Hot memories; from this day on, intertwined with mine, only mine.

I see love from my shades. Created a new memory; untainted, bright like sunshine.

The Red Cup

2011-06-10T12:20:00.007+02:00

Once upon a time, in a … Have you heard this one before?

The story behind the Red Cup goes back a number of years ago. It all begins with a young woman – this full-of-life yet sensitive, quite edgy young woman, who decides to spend the summer of her eighteenth birthday in a small town called Magallanes, situated in the beautiful province of Cavite, Philippines. Although she had never resided in Magallanes, she had been to this familiar place countless times before: it was, after all, the hometown. But little did the young woman know that this stay was not going to be quite the usual. In fact, everything about her whole world was about to make a little more sense.

The ingredients of that summer were very simple: waking up every morning at five a.m., feeding the poultry, working in the bukid, time to read or/and watch a little television, lunchtime, afternoons were spent visiting relatives and neighbours, going for a walk in the bayan; and/or the siesta always worked magic. five p.m. was again the time to feed the poultry; followed by dinner while watching the evening news. Finally, it was straight to bed…. very early. Every day the same, every day… the same. Although one would agree that this vacation was not filled with the most exciting activities, which, in fairness, was the case, this 18 year-old had the best of time simply being in the company of her favorite person on earth, her idol and mentor, the woman of her life: none other than her beloved grand-mother. Indeed, there were no spectacular occasions and none was actually needed, the young woman found peace and serenity just by participating in her grand-mother's everyday life.

It was between (and during) all these activities that something quite marvelous happened. As soon as the young woman, Nicole, and her grand-mother were about to share a cup of coffee, she would hear all about her grand-mother's experiences. They didn't follow a specific chronological order: some stories were hilarious, other made her shed a tear or two. A few of them she had heard before, on the other hand, new details were added to those already known stories; and there was always something new that made this young woman smile deep, deep inside. Talking and listening carefully to the stories of her grand-mother, retracing her steps was like walking in history.

Every time they reached for a cup of coffee would also be a lesson for Nicole to remember. And more than often, it was the most simple and frank, yet best advice one could ever get -- on life, love, failure, health, money, pride, family values, fear and what one should strive for in life. So when her grand-mother fell in love with the Nescafé red cup they saw on television, young Nicole knew right there and then, that she needed to get it for her. For no reason. For all the reasons.

Unfortunately, the cup her grand-mother desired did not exist anymore and was not going to be reproduced in the future… So they said. Nicole could not believe it. Her grand-mother then told her that it was no problem, that it was okay. But it wasn't: it was out of the question for Nicole to give up. How could she? She then promised her grand-mother that whatever it takes, she will find the red cup, and bring it back to her. Nicole promised.

A few years went by and every place Nicole visited and lived in, from Stockholm to Berlin passing by Vilnius and Tallinn, it became very difficult as she could not find it... anywhere. Frustration was taking over slowly, the shops kept closing their doors as well as Nicole's hopes. They always sold red cups, never Nescafé red cups. Could they make one especially for us? No, of course not.

It was only while visiting Rome again that fate would strike. She ordered coffee -- yes, as usual, but to Nicole's biggest surprise, they served it in the infamous Nescafé red cup: the one she spent years looking for, the one her grand-mother wanted! She could not believe it. But it was true, Nicole was holding it tightly in her hands. She inquired, and requested where she could get exactly this one. Luckily enough, Rome still loved Nescafé red cups, and the smile her grand-mother gave her the second she received it turned into one of the greatest highlights in Nicole's life, and that image will remain in her head as vivid as ever. In the Red Cup history was written, in the Red Cup history awaits. The Red Cup symbolizes the reason why the present is a gift and it is a token to the bright future Nicole could -- and will -- never give up on, the future her grand-mother promised her. The Red Cup is love and joy. The Red Cup is hers... and mine.

Now every time I set foot in my grand-mother “Lola”’s house – which in this case, has been more than four years (that is way too long, undoubtedly)— but every single time I do, something quite marvelous happens. It's nothing fancy really, but it is the one place in the world where I feel totally secure and whole, where everything makes a little more sense. For one, I know that if I ever feel lost or broken, I know that her life experiences and lessons can keep me grounded. And more importantly, I know why retracing her steps -- not only by remembering them -- but actually walking in history with her marks why the story of our lives is so important to understand our own, my very own identity. All paths of my life lead back to where I come from: where my roots are. Lola, I never forget the Red Cup, I will always hold it tightly. Wherever I've been and the next destinations I will get to, the incredible and strong person that you are, your awe-inspiring life, your wise words and unconditional love: our Red Cup is forevermore my most precious possession. Pour me a little more coffee, will you? Salamat po, Lola.

Still, without

2011-06-01T16:17:00.027+02:00

I'm a singer without a mic
I'm a boxer when there's no fight
I'm a soldier without a gun
Still a shadow when there's no sun

I'm a waiter without a tray
I'm a hunter when there's no prey
I'm a poet without a pen
Still a listener when there's no friend

I'm an actor without a crowd
I'm a DJ when there's no sound
I'm a pilot without a plane
Still a player when there's no game

I'm the answer without question
Letter without destination
A lesson when there's no mistake
Lover when there's no heart to break.

True to yourself

2011-05-31T00:01:00.001+02:00

A chameleon adapts to his environment, but he himself will never change.

Leveling

2011-05-29T21:34:00.003+02:00

I believe in love, even when it's not true.

The "Ibiza" myth

2011-05-29T13:23:00.004+02:00

Ibiza is commonly known as the 'best party island on the planet' and I was blessed to experience the magic for the first time in the late summer of 2008. It is not a myth when people say you haven't truly partied until you have been to Ibiza: I have tasted the nightlife in a lot of places around the globe but nothing comes close to that mystical island in Spain. One of the biggest -- and best clubs -- in Ibiza (or the earth), Space, is opening tonight. Although, in my wildest dreams, I wish I was there right now to enjoy all the openings, priorities undoubtedly come first. But looking at the bright side, I am already overly excited for August since that is when I'll get to see my favorite island again.

I have been asked why I am so addicted to Ibiza quite a number of times, and in all honesty, the only answer I can give is that it frankly has got the best parties ever. Electronic dance music, dancing and just the nightlife itself play such an important role in my life: it is one of those activities I not only enjoy immensely but moreover, I need it in my routine. It relaxes me, it also helps me get my mind off things, it's my number one way to have a blast and I just adore shaking it on the dance floor. It's not just a hobby or only occasional night-outs, but it's a lifestyle I've wholeheartedly adopted. Furthermore, I want (and try to deserve) Ibiza every summer. It is the cherry on my cake!

Everyone who loves to stay up all night and live like there is no tomorrow will fall in love with Ibiza, even if one's music preference is not house or techno. But evidently, it is even better when electronic dance music is your cup of tea. There is an insane yet at the same time, pure and serene atmosphere out there: the island is lovely but it's really more about the people who are just so motivated. It's impossible not to get overwhelmed by the 'harmonious' and crazy mood. On a side note, I want to once again comment on the general misconception about Ibiza, which I have heard one too many times. Ibiza is known for all the drugs circulating (and in truth, there are a lot out there!); but there are millions of other people -- including myself -- who do not need drugs in their system to have a great time or become 'happy'. I've never agreed with generalizations and I'm not going to start now. I do indeed live for that kind of music and I do not look for drugs to appreciate electronic dance music. "Oh Nicole, you love techno? Need cocaine or ecstasy?" Thanks, but no thanks. The music is my only drug! Once more, there is no pointing fingers here, I am simply tired of such comments and it's my viewpoint on the 'drug issue in Ibiza.'

Coming back to the subject though, party animals will adore Ibiza because it is some sort of heterotopia (which, compared to utopia, is a real location). Ibiza is an exquisitely happy place where you can only get carried away; but it is a 'surreal', occasional counter-site since the party mood is unique only to the summer season. It's unfortunate, and unfair actually, to those who don't know the island; because even how much you want to explain what awaits people in Ibiza, you really need have been there to fully describe it. I've heard how great Ibiza was so many times beforehand; and when I found out I was finally flying there, I was sure it would be awesome. But, sincerely, it was so much better. Speaking from experience, Ibiza is beyond your imagination. The ones who have gone will recognize each other immediately and there is no need for words: only a look into each other's eyes, sharing one of those 'naughty' grins and you will understand your respective feelings for Ibiza. You have a common thought: isn't it the best fucking island ever? It definitely is. And that is why I urge people to 'become one of us' and book your next flights right away.

Lastly but most importantly, more than being the best party place on earth, Ibiza is simply heaven for electronic dance music lovers like me. The 'crème de la crème' i.e. the best DJs in the universe gather in Ibiza for the summer; and I can't wait to dance to the new releases and remixes! The more electronic music brings you to a higher (once again, no need to get really 'high') level, the more you feel the power and love deep inside. There's something for everyone: whether you like it funky or fancy the 'boom, boom, boom' better, Ibiza offers the best tunes in the market. Of course, like any genre of music, there are obvious differences in electronic music: there is house, tech-house, deep house, disco house, progressive house, tribal house and so much more; I, for instance, enjoy minimal techno the best. What is Ibiza? How is Ibiza? Why do I love Ibiza so much? Well...

Once you've been to Ibiza, you spend a whole year talking about your unforgettable time in Ibiza... Until it's finally time to go back to the fucking island.

"It is time to unite." -Tiefschwarz

The season has finally begun. Happy 2011 opening, Ibiza! ♥

Blanche Dubois

2011-05-27T13:23:00.006+02:00

Those who try so hard to fit in stand out the most.

Choose your destiny / Destiny chooses [for] you

2011-05-27T12:12:00.004+02:00

We live in a society today where every single one of us is pushed to believe that we are always in a position to make our own choices. For instance, many of our elders have assured us that we can do anything when it comes to pursuing our dreams. “I want to become a doctor! I can open my own restaurant! I wish to raise a family in the suburbs! I even aspire to land on the moon one day!” The key to success happens when we take a stand and work for it. As a matter of fact, we come to realize that every step we take is always defined by that crucial moment where we are to make a choice, whether it is for our own well-being or our contribution to others. It is up to us: what to believe, who to vote, where to live, what to eat and how to change! And finally, throughout the years, there will always be situations where we need to choose between right and wrong.

And as we may look back, we all know that the different experiences we’ve had and sweat through brought the best lessons with them, whether we made mistakes, accumulated trophies or just tried with all our heart! Life has taught us that the person we eventually become is the result of the many decisions we’ve taken, or even chose not to. Where and who we are today… well, maybe it was all destiny.

Destiny… Destiny… Destiny… Why do I mention destiny?

Suddenly, this thought got me all confused as it occurred to me that choice is the complete opposite of destiny. When I think about this particular subject, I remember how we tend to associate destiny to finding true love or when unfortunate happenings occur. “We happen to be at the right place, at the right time (or the opposite)" and "why me?” If we had taken a different turn at one point in our life, would we be the same person that we are today? If we had gone that road instead of this one, would we be crying instead of smiling right now? If you weren’t meant to be there that day, would we have ever met? What makes a bigger difference… the choices we make or destiny that brought us here?

I don’t believe these questions are about regrets or wishful thinking, but it’s still a funny thing to maybe imagine how our own life could/would have turned out if.... We all know about those life-changing choices: Don't we all agree that life -- and definitely God -- sometimes has quite the sense of humor? All I know is that the fruit of satisfaction is to acknowledge every single gift we receive, and that we have worked for. Thank God we have choices! Thank God we also have surprises! And praise God that when we lack the confidence to make a decision, He never fails to guide us!

Calling it soulsexuality!

2011-05-25T18:56:00.019+02:00

Summer is the best of seasons: long days, chilling in parks, getting a tan by the water and eating mountains of ice-cream are just a few of this season's hot activities. As the sun shines brighter, so do our auras: people are out, people feel more sexy, people meet, people flirt... and people get the taste of that loving feeling!

Oh yes, that feeling! Your heart starts to pounder and your knees begin to tremble. The feeling where you can sense that this mutual attraction goes beyond appearances. It doesn't look at skin color. It doesn't look at the wallet. It doesn't look at religion. It doesn't look at political views. Moreover, that intense emotion for this very unique individual doesn't even look at... SEX AND GENDER??!! Hmm... Are you thinking it through? I definitely am.

As plus and minus attract, so do plus and plus (and minus and minus, haha!). Love means to be completely compatible with the other soul, in every non-boundaries-filled way that exists. But if love only matters when it looks above and beyond, when does it take that certain factor in consideration? When is love all about sex?

Heterosexuality. Homosexuality. Bisexuality. In today's society, gender preference is still one of the most discussed topics. Homosexuality remains connected with the high rate of AIDS in the world and persists as much of a taboo. The fight for social acceptance and tolerance is an ongoing process. But it has also evolved quite a lot: some cultures grow to be more tolerant, countries such as Finland and Spain allow same gender-partnership/marriages.

On another note, the curious woman that I am has always wondered about another aspect of sexual orientation. Although research in genetics tried to find reasons for sexual preference; the subject of sexuality is still quite the mystery: you are gay, I am not. HOW? In addtion, my confusion persists as it is also often highlighted that heterosexuals can turn out to be gay; but why isn't it also taken into account that gays can turn out not to be that homosexual after all? So what's the deal: gay? straight? strictly gay? strictly straight? or simply always soulsexual? Let's talk about sex, baby!

Love is blind is a misconception because it definitely has eyes: reality needs love to look at your very plus and your very minus. Fact implies that you can fall for the worst possible person you could ever fall for, taking as an example that you never appreciated blonds, brunettes or green-headed before, but you end up finding that great connection with this one. It was improbable, but it happened! Yet when it comes to that specific characteristic i.e. sex and gender, it is a whole different story. I believe that you can become very attached to a person, whether he/she is your opposite sex or not. Yet [and excuse me if it appears in poor taste... I mean no offense], you are only going to fall in love and have a so-called full-blown relationship with this individual if you can "accept" him/her sexually. Because if you do not -- or the more accurate term would be you cannot -- experience fireworks during sex, you being straigt, bisexual or gay, then where is this story going? Suddenly, all these questions were just answered.

The conclusion is that no matter the gender preference, and I guess it will remain a mystery forever, more relevant is soulsexuality: you'd be gay and ought to be soulsexual, you'd be straight and ought to be soulsexual, you'd be bisexual and also soulsexually searching. Truly only the connection with THE PERSON matters i.e. soulsexuality: if you're not sexually satisfied or incapable of experiencing intense sexual sentiments with this person anyway, I don't reckon there will be such a lovely future, because in the end, fireworks do matter. Love does look beyond and above appearances, but sex has got to be soulsexually satisfying. It's just too bad that no one ever really admits to it. Love who you want and have sex soulsexually: "Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics" (Author unknown); and you need both.

In tune

2011-05-22T10:24:00.001+02:00

Sometimes, we get what we want. Sometimes, we get what we deserve.

And sometimes, what we want and what we deserve are in harmony.

The prestige

2011-05-21T00:26:00.001+02:00

Love is a mystery that needs no solving.

Fairplay

2011-05-20T00:21:00.000+02:00

You cannot win if there is nothing to lose.

Crawling back

2011-05-19T08:50:00.003+02:00

You would love that I run back to you
Put my heart on the table for you
Those are efforts I made in the past
It's not my fault you gave up so fast
You know I would have gone the distance
And that's what I did; went the distance
Now I care more about the weather
Than your troubles and your desires
I stopped caring the moment you left
Picked the right way instead of the left
Made it clear that I was hit and miss
Every time I blamed myself for this
Never thought you'd make me feel so low
A waste dwelling on my hurt ego
But all of those obsessions abate
There's always an expiration date
Now, you still take those things for granted
While all along, I was devoted.
Don't dare say the choice is up to me
Crawling back's not a possibility.

What you see is sometimes what you get

2011-05-18T00:25:00.002+02:00

One instantly becomes more tolerant once the fence turns into a mirror.

Adventurous

2011-05-17T11:12:00.004+02:00

In life, sometimes the best plan is not having one.

Numb

2011-05-16T17:28:00.018+02:00

It is not Herculean to disappear,
Repel all the strong feelings that appear.
You're at the summit or in the gutter,
None of that sticks, you're numb whatsoever:
Entirely immune to bitterness;
New journey trying out being fearless.

Cured injuries that left hideous scars,
Love-hate relationship in your memoirs:
Don't want to go on living without them,
And yet you cannot stand the sight of them.
Solace in the fact that it pains no more,
Vexed because balance was never restored.

You deal with a constant oxymoron;
You alone create this little moron.
At length, cannot get out of your own way,
Exhausting having your thoughts on replay.
Done with being neurotic; done grumbling;
Sky high, downfall, indifferent's becoming.

A good conversation

2011-05-14T13:52:00.015+02:00

I love nothing more than a good conversation
Whether we laugh or have a serious discussion
Quality moments sitting around a table
Words flow as we're trapped in our own little capsule

Promptly, we are transported to a different world
See all these places and get cultured through mere words
Without even leaving this spot for a second
Our shared stories spur on the imagination

I am here enjoying my beer or my coffee
It is a pleasure to be in great company
One can learn so much through the eyes of another
To some questions, one can firmly get an answer

It doesn't matter if we are, or not, alike
A smart and challenging person will always strike
Ultimately, one might get more than what he thought
One discovers things about himself just with talk

I love nothing more than a good conversation
Whether we laugh or have a serious discussion
Sit around a nice little table for a while
What's greater in life than connecting through a smile?

Forever, until the end

2011-05-13T18:47:00.006+02:00

I will love you forever, until the end
I met you only once but I know I'll spend
The rest of my life with your words in my head
Thank you so much for the life lessons you spread

Taught me what it means to be a human being
You give freedom and forgiveness their true meaning
Incarcerated for more than eighteen years
An innocent man on death row; how does one deal?

I cannot even fathom what you have been through
I would have given up hope a long time ago
Your optimism and beliefs kept you going
Is there more to God's plan than what you're sharing?

You moved me in ways I cannot fully explain
These are heavy emotions that are hard to feign
We are only people who try to make a change
And you repeated it, we have got to exchange

To me, you are an exemplary fighter
A terrific human being I admire
It was the greatest privilege to meet you
I want to make a difference, all because of you

I will love you forever, until the end
I wholeheartedly believe that you are godsend
Your story will be remembered through the ages
Gave us all the will of crossing these bridges

Greater expectations

2011-05-13T18:39:00.001+02:00

Days she spent with him, she doesn't regret

The greater expectations were not met

Asked for something she doesn't even want

Only fools make turmoils so transparent.

The type that lives in the immediacy

Passions are meant to be felt intensely

So he said good-bye as fast as he came

Both dreadful and brilliant, that is the game.

On some days, she wished she were more normal

That she'd be less difficult to handle

It's a curse and an asset; this wild side

Change that, all good things about her subside.

When fireworks settle for the routine

It drifts away, best bit lost in between

Only for a day or it's all the way,

Expect no less or she will go astray.

Dedicated to

2011-05-11T12:28:00.004+02:00

There are moments in life when everything makes sense
Someone special touches your soul, breaks through the fence
In honesty, you'll never be the same again
Angel came down and gave you a taste of heaven.

The times you fail to find good reasons to wake up
In the morning; feel good, and put on some make-up
God sends a message and says bright days are ahead
"You want to explore the world, now, get out of bed!"

Intolerable hardships, inevitable
Everyone heals differently from the same battle
One who can't fall asleep will find a way to dream
A fatalist will stop seeing things in extreme.

Give thanks to the ordinary that empowers
And the extraordinary won't have borders
Reminded again, with love and music combined,
Real happiness is only but a State of Mind.

Imprisoned enough

2011-05-10T14:25:00.001+02:00

When people are not ready to forgive you;

be sure you forgive yourself one day.

Fin'amor

2011-05-09T13:28:00.020+02:00

Before we met, high walls around my heart
Conscious of the risks of an open heart
Protecting myself from harm and deceit
True to form, getting hurt was a habit.

   I let my guard down, looked into your eyes
   Didn't know what I would find but I tried
   A version of the truth was desires
   For a second there, confusion arised.

I was brought back to earth when I recalled
The reason why I do not get involved
I do not trust myself with anyone
Intangible, my seat-belt, I fasten.

But it is the authentic me you saw.
Then, like child allergic to cookie dough
Keeping it simple, always a hassle;
Tasted romance and so I lost control.

I said things in the heat of the moment
The masochist likes her arrow broken
A version of the lie is that I care
Now a pseudo strain I'm supposed to bear.

After we met, the high walls from the start
Still quite intact, bruised knees were just a part
Not reciprocated and keep distance,
Only fin'amor applauds the absence.

Silent friend

2011-05-09T08:59:00.019+02:00

Hey, are you doing it on purpose?
You and I, we've always been so close
Now you are just keeping me hanging
Enough already, it's unnerving.

I grasp that you are infuriated
But what you are putting me through, mate
It's not right anymore. You relish
My ordeal, is it me you banish?

You promised me, we will get to talk
Your one-liners can go for a walk
No more excuses, give me reasons
Try me, I can handle the big guns.

Only because of that, we're like this
Think carefully about all of this
Worth your silence, worth my agony?
How could I know, you won't talk to me.

Lapse in judgment, okay, crystal clear;
But don't you think I've shed enough tears?
Patience is a virtue, people say.
But there's a boiling point, if I may.

I'll grieve if we're not friends anymore
But at least, I'll finally be sure
You spoke to me and I will accept
Fire of our friendship soon unlit?

Self-love

2011-05-07T01:23:00.004+02:00

You will never be able to control what people think of you;
but you will always be in control of what you think of yourself.

Red light district

2011-05-06T14:17:00.033+02:00

They say it's not safe to walk around here
You'll see women standing on street corners
Few drunk mortals and usual dealers
Still, it has a unique flair that's sincere.

Interesting folks spotted at cafes
Nights and on weekends, the scene is alive
Best galleries in town, boutiques survive
A form of art, nothing close to cliches.

The kind of place that gives someone a fright
A misconception for some who can't stand
The riveting darker side of their mind;
It's here geniuses like Baudelaire saw light.

There is something alluring about them
Those society scorn, the marginalized.
Judgmental souls persist; not so surprised
When below the surface waits a poem.

The people here have no care in the world.
Whether it's where they work or their hangout
Here, free spirits do not need to stand out
They think lightly and none shall be bothered.

They say it's not safe to walk around here
It's the truth, one must be a bit careful
But this area, genuinely soulful;
Rather here, red light district I revere.

Love art

2011-05-05T17:34:00.010+02:00

Turning the ordinary into art
They perceive things with a creative heart
When a piece is incomprehensible
To a few, its purpose is logical.

Artists are known to exude a strange side
They hardly ever follow the high tide
And who would want it any other way
On their terms, they do the most of their day.

Living in their own world with rules they set
Go the distance, never to be stranded
As soon as they begin, they cannot stop
Feelings overwhelm, takes them to the top.

At times, such inspiration becomes rare
Overanalyzing is just not fair
Some will get mad at their own creations
Because of their search for small perfections.

Capturing a moment like they do now
Opportunities they should not pass by
They will look back because it was divine
Who ever said that we can't create time?

The groupie

2011-05-05T01:12:00.036+02:00

Last monday, I had the chance to see Boyce Avenue in concert for the first time. My cousin introduced me to Alejandro, Daniel and Fabian Manzano a.k.a. Boyce Avenue a few months ago via YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/user/boyceavenue). On the same day, I subscribed to the channel and have been following their updates regularly ever since. Consequently, when my friend told me that they were coming over, I was ecstatic. I had been looking forward to the event for weeks now and the wait was finally over. I was so thrilled to see Boyce Avenue perform -- in particular, I was dying to hear Alejandro Manzano, whose voice is more than heavenly, sing live -- and truth be told, they were much better than I imagined. Artists that are down-to-earth, humble, with incredible stage presence and whose talent, so effortless, exceeds all limits: the brothers of Boyce Avenue are unquestionably the kind of musicians I respect, admire and support.

These men were so soothing to the ears -- and I must add, extremely soothing to the eyes as well, especially guitarist and backing vocalist Fabian Manzano. He is ridiculously gorgeous, mysterious and the way he loses himself in music delighted, and this I am sure of, all the women in the crowd. Straightaway, for some bizarre reason, I couldn't help but think of all those young girls who have been obsessing over Justin Bieber in the past year. The faces of my old classmates also came to mind, as I remembered how they used to go crazy over some rocker, pop star or DJ. Then, evidently, I didn't fail to forget the star crushes that I once had as well, such as Jared Leto, John Frusciante and River Phoenix. And like in those glorious days, in an instant, I developed a major crush on Fabian Manzano. Aroused? A little hysterical? Shouting "I love you" after each song? Indeed, last monday, I was reminded of the rush one feels when she gets an innocent -- yet massive -- crush on someone; ergo, I acted like a total groupie.

This incident immediately got me to reflect deeply on the odd phenomenon of having a crush on an unattainable person. Whether we are twelve, twenty-five or forty years of age, I am certain that this giggly feeling is one that never grows old. Celebrities, normal people but who have great sex appeal and/or a friendly charisma, simply fascinate us, normal people. In truth, it is really a complex thing because I could not help but wonder how and why we get to fancy -- even go bananas for -- someone we do not know personally. We might listen to his songs repeatedly, follow him on twitter or get to read about his whereabouts in the media, still, we as fans will only ever be familiarized with the public figure. And although we may feel a delusional closeness or get a glimpse of his personality during interviews or concerts, he remains a complete stranger. In definitive, we are not "crazy" about the person itself (since we do not know him); but we only get attracted to the image we make of that person alone. Nevertheless, we still have the impression that such a character can somewhat meet the traits of the man of our dreams: mighty fine, never deceiving, perfect... unattainable. Ultimately, maybe it's wanting what we cannot have that is so gripping.

Of course, having this kind of crush, i.e. longing for someone we cannot have, not only applies to stars or public figures; but there will be a number of men we will get to meet in the real world that are, unfortunately, as unattainable as a celebrity. Obviously, these men are unreachable for different reasons: some of the men we will be drawn to are already taken or married; we might get a crush on someone who is gay and has, in all fairness, no interest in women. And finally, there are those men -- and every woman in this world knows at least one that fits this criteria: the one who is unchangeable. Simultaneously, she is also aware that this man is the kind she should stay away from at all cost. Nonetheless, what is predictable always happens: many tend to fall for this type of man simply because he is out of reach, whether he is married, rejects us, has issues or does not want to commit. It is a challenge most women are more than willing to take on. We are well aware of the implications and consequences, yet still feel a sense of rush each time we meet one: is it because a person is so unattainable that makes him so damn attractive? And for some bizarre reason, our little heart is insane enough to hope for a happy ending and believe that we will be the one who can change him, that we'll be the one he will fall in love with.

But, in the long run, we know it is an impossible (or very improbable) task. Therefore, maybe we should carefully rethink the reasons for such disillusion. In definitive, we might not be crazy about the person itself, but we are only attracted to the image we make of that person. When we look at things from another angle, we can perceive that an unattainable man will not meet the traits of the man of our dreams at all... specifically because he remains out of reach. And unlike the case of a celebrity crush, these men may seem perfect at first glance -- but they are always deceiving and forever unattainable. Ultimately, maybe the only reason we like to chase after them is because wanting what we cannot have is indeed so gripping. It makes us feel alive and disturbingly, yet blissfully, vulnerable!

In conclusion, we can say that a one-sided love can be both fun and frustrating. It is healthy to have a crush, no matter how old we are. It is always soothing to the soul to think nice of someone -- even if that person is a famous persona. After all, being a groupie is but a sign of respect, admiration and support. And the other times when we are in love alone, in real life, we should just remember that unfulfilled dreams never made anyone happy.

Handwritten

2011-05-04T12:51:00.010+02:00

No one writes letters anymore
We live in a world that needs more
Than fast messages with emoticons;
We speak our mind through funny fonts.

Tell me you could visualize
A tortured heart that slowly dies;
I truly wish you read the signs
Tears I poured while writing those lines.

In my handwriting, I revealed
In my letter, my heart I sealed
I made mistakes I can't erase
I am so sorry, I lose face.

You won't forgive me easily
Don't expect an answer swiftly;
My words came from deep down inside
One day, perhaps, you'll let it slide.

No one writes letters anymore
But I am the kind that is for
Face-to-face communication
From afar, words must move mountains.

In my handwriting, I unveiled
In my letter, my heart is sealed
I'll say sorry until you care
Was a letter enough to repair?

Not that difficult

2011-05-03T14:20:00.010+02:00

It shouldn't be this difficult
I feel like I have joined a cult
And they say I cannot get out
They'll chase for me if I head south.

I'm sitting in a crowded space
I really need a change of pace
I got to break free from worry
Rethink responsibility.

I tend to talk in enigma
People cannot stand the drama
I cannot clarify the spiel
Only a few get what's the deal.

I'm standing alone in a park
Everything around me is dark
Got to set myself free of you
Set me free, please, I'm begging you.

   It shouldn't be this difficult
     All I want to do now is bolt
     But I will stay and fight the pain
   It gets better, nothing's in vain.

It's not like riding a bike

2011-05-02T16:41:00.033+02:00

When I was in Vienna a few days ago, one of my closest friends brought me biking. It took me by surprise at first since I thought that it was such an unlikely, "out of nowhere" proposition. But as it always is, this idea turned out to be quite an exquisite one.

The reason why I was taken aback is because I haven't ridden a bicycle in such a long time. As a matter of fact, I could not even remember when exactly was the last occasion. Like a lost memory that I desperately wanted to retrieve, I needed to unearth the past. Finally I was certain that my last bike tour must have been in my early teenage years -- and here comes the kicker -- when I was still living in Vienna. The irony of it all is that I used to love riding my bike around the famous Prater area or by the Donau. Some of the best days of my life, spent with either my childhood friends or my family, had a bicycle in the picture. Immediately, I could not help but wonder why I gave up this habit. For some unknown reason, I had not repeated this experience until that beautiful Sunday afternoon.

"It is like riding a bike", the universal saying, honestly took its literal meaning that day. In the beginning, I was in such a panic not only because of my probable rustiness, but I was convinced that someone like me will be the kind that completely forgets how to bike. And in all fairness, it was terribly difficult and so unnatural to be on one again. Common knowledge is that riding a bike is "a said of skill that once learned, is never forgotten." But I truly had the impression that I was back to square one, and like a child, I needed to learn everything (again). I kept losing my balance, I stumbled and almost fell off at numerous times and I was a little saddened that I could not let go of the handle bars like I used to do. Luckily enough, after a while, I managed to stay on the bicycle for a bit; but definitely not long enough to say that I was an expert again. All in all, learning how to ride a bike again was embarrassing, but at the same time, a wonderful experience.

This spontaneous adventure suddenly got me thinking about the skills we learn along the way -- and which we are supposed to never forget, just like riding a bike. Some are basic skills, easy to learn and easy to remember, while many others require years of practice. We acquire them with the help of different types of people: whether it is what our parents bring us by -- such as table manners and social skills, or the aptitudes we are taught in school or at work. Of course, a number of lessons come from experts or friends. Finally, we must not neglect the skills we learned on our own -- based entirely on our principles or personal experiences alone. Specific skills and lessons are fundamental, not so that we can use them in everyday life but, like riding a bike, when the occasion comes, we should roughly know how it works in spite the fact that we have been out of practice in a long, long time.

Then again, although we are well-equipped with certain life lessons and skills -- which we are asked to never forget, like riding a bike -- it is more than likely that these skills be totally forgotten or ignored on countless occasions. Due to a number of "unknown" reasons, we sometimes find ourselves in tricky situations that may seem particularly familiar, yet harassed with the tormented feeling that we haven't learned anything from the past at all. We are back to square one. We have no idea how to (re)act. We need to learn the same lesson all over again. Some just regard it as yet another experience, many are infuriated that history keeps on repeating itself and others will be less than eager to ride a bike ever again.

Life is sometimes a song on repeat -- whether we've had a similar experience years ago or it happened just yesterday, learning a lesson the hard way will always feel like a first. Indeed, dealing with hardships and disappointment is never like riding a bike, it's not a "said of skill that once learned, is never forgotten." Learning life lessons or skills is strenuous, learning them all over again is nearly unbearable. And so it becomes perfectly understandable that we stop trying. But, as it always is, this is exactly what life is all about: a wonderful journey from which we are supposed to learn. The thing is, we should not expect any less because that is what pushes us to grow as individuals. We do lose our balance once in a while. We stumble and fall at numerous times. And the times we are supposed to have acquired the skill already, we just need to cut ourselves some slack and simply start from scratch again. On the bright side, once again has its advantages because we know that one day, we will be able to let go of the handle bars and be free like the wind again -- because we have learned how to excel in that already. Ultimately, "life is like riding a bicycle. To keep our balance we must keep on moving." - Albert Einstein.

The Big Picture

2011-05-01T07:04:00.093+02:00

I have always been the kind of person that pays a lot more attention to details rather than the big picture. The breathetaking Blue Lagoon of Iceland before me and I could not help but notice how the person next to me kept her eyes closed in front of such splendor. Surrounded by thousands of party people at a club in Ibiza, my eyes wandered to the lonesome woman cleaning up the broken glasses on the floor. When all eyes were on the glorious sunrise at the beach in Boracay, Philippines, my focus was on a child's tiny footsteps that were about to get washed away by the waves. During a Raul Midon concert a few years ago, I half-smiled when I suddenly saw this man touch his wife's hand. And each time I get to watch a film, I have the tendency to spot the people who stand in the background rather than get caught up in the two protagonists walking into the sunset. Such things, little details, mostly unimportant and probably unnoticeable by the majority...

Nevertheless, these so-called inconsequential incidents or surroundings -- that one would normally overlook or even completely ignore -- always deemed to be more intriguing and fascinating for me to watch. Naturally, it does not imply that I do not appreciate the magnificent spectacle or that I totally miss the point. In fact, I am fiercely convinced that pinning down individual elements has the opposite effect: it is by looking "away" from the big picture and detecting these particular facets that make the picture... a big picture. All these times I had the privilege to stare at such miraculous sights and live poignant moments, I knew that my feelings at that time were not only pure and untouchable; but more than anything, I was also aware that these emotions would always only be ephemeral. Heart-rending, maybe, but simultaneously, the fact that it remains momentary marks the beauty of it all: it is the passion you feel -- fleeting, but untarnished. It is the high you reach -- one that some people search for their entire life, and manage to experience only too seldom. "The beauty of this day doesn't depend on its lasting forever." (http://mydailyaphorism.blogspot.com)

So I see details that assist to the big picture: I remember the people I will never meet again, I remember the ones who work very hard on keeping the big picture a clean one, I remember that this state of euphoria will wash away with time, I remember that love transcends in music and evidently, I will always remember those who, like I, often just stand in the background and observe. It is human nature to put one's heart into the big picture alone. Yet the reason why everything in this world becomes so extraordinary is indubitably linked to the details that we are, in fact, prone to pay no heed to. For instance, a likely situation is the typical tourist who goes through the wondrous paintings of a museum in a quantitative way i.e. just to have a quick look at them; instead of staying still for a while in order to study the details of, perhaps, one sole painting. For all one knows, it is only due to time restriction and s/he wants to make the most out of his/her visit. But most times, one does not even go into details simply because the belief that prevails is that only the big picture matters: sadly, one surely forgets that this masterpiece tells a great story, that includes qualities as well as flaws -- and in my opinion, one must take the time because those details are far more interesting to explore than looking at the big picture alone.

Certainly, I am the kind of person who perpetually falls in love with details, everyday, with everything. Thus, this philosophy also applies to the people that cross my path. Not only do I look into peculiar details of their physical features, I pay close attention to their reaction in different situations, I might even discern their sense for fashion; but most importantly, I do not dare forget that there will always be so much more to someone than the big picture s/he exposes (or hides, for that matter).

To tell the truth, I believe one cannot even talk about a "big picture" in regards to characterizing someone. Indeed, when it comes to people, it is common that one also relies on that person's reputation when s/he attempts to paint his/her picture. Thus, many think they know it all. It is a mistake -- even unfair -- to act this way because one sincerely needs to dig deeper in order to get to know or judge someone. One should be sharp-eyed, one should try to notice the less striking assets, one should turn his eyes "away" from the big picture and as an alternative, show more interest in the inner surroundings. There are details one would fall in love with and of course, some that will not please -- but characteristics are key figures and nobody has the right to judge a person based solely on so-called bad details. Once again, I am assured that all facets are extremely important -- not so that one could eventually paint a near-perfect picture of a person, but so that people must grasp that , in reality, there is no such thing as reputation -- whether good or bad. It is only as real as one wants it to be: in the end, one should not even bother or care about his/her "big picture" as much as people tend to do nowadays. People are not big pictures, they are details. Finally, I know that each person is a masterpiece: one must not forget that this work of art tells a story, a great one, that includes qualities as well as flaws -- and one must take the time because exploring those details is truly far more interesting than looking at the big picture as a whole.

In conclusion, I cannot deny that, in a number of situations, it is much better -- easier and faster -- to look at the big picture instead of putting emphasis on little details: one does get a good overview. But to really appreciate beauty or become more tolerant towards others and also oneself, one must indeed pay attention to the details that assist to the magnum opus -- whether we're talking about a scenery, a feeling, a moment and in particular, a person. In the end, big pictures are made but of thousand details: little ones, perfect ones, terrible ones, most of them are important, some a little less and others may require a magnifying glass... But this is all up to you to explore and you do not want to miss a thing. So why not look into details for a change?

Crash

2011-05-01T07:03:00.006+02:00

Sometimes, people come into your life not because you want them to, but because you need them to.

"Every path is the right path"

2011-05-01T07:02:00.005+02:00

At times, you don't need to take another route. You just got to go back to your initial plan.

Better than fiction

2011-04-29T18:05:00.019+02:00

Love stories do not start the same
Yet they all end the classic way
Odd first encounter, then obstacles
Come credits, movie fades with wonder.

Sugar-coated films are to blame
Viewers listen to what they say
That love is worth a million battles
In the end, you'll find the right partner.

Romantics yearn for the Grand Finale
Optimists believe in Meant To Be's
Broken hearts curse the hurtful truth
And films try do define the rule.

Love the drama and the silly
Sick of the cheesy and the tease
Either way, like having a sweet tooth,
Their imagination becomes your tool.

Still, I have another idea
Of how it should be, how it feels.
Then again, I got no clue at all
But I'm certain it's not like the films.

Nothing real can come of thee,
Only partials and it kills
The erratic beauty of it all,
Love must be more than what they scheme.

  So I know it's not like fiction
  Pain lasts and it never ends well;
  So I want better than fiction
  Perhaps one day, I'll be able to tell.

Like art

2011-04-29T15:16:00.014+02:00

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Some have been the same all these years
Some came into being in the course of one night.

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Some on paper, locked in my heart
Some I erased, redrafted with tears.

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Some I turned into my whimsical reality
Some I had to edit because I'm realistic.

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Some make me quit because I'm pessimistic.
Some make me see beyond the difficulty.

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Cannot draw the future, but I can sharpen it
Can only scribble until dreams become clear.

I use a pencil when I write down my dreams
Will protect them from rain so they won't smear
Will not stop until I find the shoe that fits.

Snake bites its tail

2011-04-28T02:56:00.005+02:00

In life, defining what you don't want still does not define what you do want.

Nostradamus didn't know Attitude

2011-04-20T18:08:00.000+02:00

Pessimists can predict the future; but so can optimists.

False pretense

2011-04-19T07:57:00.000+02:00

You cannot break something that is already broken.